so the days slipped by a bit. I have finished reading the Suzuki book and am almost finished rereading my book. The garage is ready for carpet, in fact it would already have the carpet down but I cut myself in the arm yesterday while cutting up boxes for the trash and had to head over to urgent care for a few stitches. No big deal, I wouldn't have gone but the cut was at the bend of my elbow and although it was only a cm long it was pretty deep.

Today we had sand delivered so we will put in the sandbox and pool over the weekend. Lots to do, holes to dig, sand to spread, dig dig dig.

I'm so very tired, I'm not really sure why (don't say cause you've been digging because I woke up tired and this is the second day in a row). I did what had to be done but I would have rather laid in bed and done nothing. Can't do that though, Baby boy won't have it. Told me today he doesn't want to stay home anymore, wants to go to daycare. I know he misses the other kids, he is lonely. Hell, I am lonely. I have My Darling and my son but that's it for me. The therapist thinks it would be a good idea for me to go back to school, mental stimulation, socializing and all that. I'm sure I would enjoy school (I always have) I'm just not sure I want to give up that much time with him. I love my Baby Boy, but we are both frustrated with each other. He wants to play with the kids, I want to have time of my own. My Darling and I talked about pre-school today. A couple of hours a day a few days a week. Not too expensive but still more than nothing and no income on my part.

As for income on my part, I have to decide soon what I am going to do. I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about going back to work, I just don't know what else I can do. Therapist says write. Yeah, right. Cause you can collect a weekly paycheck out of the blue doing that. Nothing. Nobody is giving me anything. Just sitting here waiting for the day when I have to go back, and I'm not even sure what I am supposed to do to go back. Don't want to call and ask because then it's real, I have to go. Haven't seen these people in months, none of then call or care if I'm ok. I disappeared and even though some of them have my number, no one even tried to say hi. I don't have a friend there, my fault I am sure but it doesn't make me want to go back anytime soon.

Still, soon I will have my dojo in the garage, the pool will be in and Baby Boy will have a really big sandbox. Maybe that will take his mind off his loneliness. Of course it never worked for me.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

�