Whoo hoo It's been forever hasn't it?

I'm back in WNY, my old stomping grounds, for the total eclipse. It was a road trip with my son that he planned way back in 2017. He always wanted it to be just the two of us and having never experienced a totality I thought yes, it can be just us. We left my husband home to experience 95% eclipse with is almost the same, right? But it isn't. It was incredible and when it was all over my son and I looked at each other and we were both overcome with sadness because my husband wasn't here. He wasn't here because my son wanted something with just me, because we share the science but he should have been here. He missed something so great and he didn't have to. We were here, he could have been here. I feel like I stole something from him. He says he is ok with it, no big deal but it was a big deal he just doesn't know it, just like we didn't know until we experienced it. It ruined it for me a little. I didn't end feeling awe and wonder but instead guilt and sadness.

We made plans, my son and I, to take my husband to North Dakota in 2044. I made my son promise that even if I am not around he would take his Dad. He promised but insisted I would be around. I will only be 80 in 2044 so I will most likely be here. My Mom is 91 and still with us and my Grandmother on my dad's side was 93 when she passed and only because she fell and broke her thigh. She might have made it to 100 is she hadn't fallen. I could live to be 100, especially in this age.

Or not.

We still have to get through the stupid. The human stupid is a powerful thing and it is strong right now. We have people whose sole goal it to get a sound bite and keep a job they refuse to do. There is war, old style, around the world, bigots, white supremacist and Nazis and how is it there Nazis in 2024? AI is a thing, both scary and amazing and all the profits from the technological revolution have gone to the top 1%. People are working to just survive. Science, art and music are being lost every day as gifted humans struggle just to eat because we don't value people unless they can generate money for others. It has been said before but bears repeating "I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." - Stephen Jay Gould. How nice if we could truly value all humans and allow all those to be the best of who they are. To each his reach.

I am happy but sad and exhausted with myself and humanity at the same time. If we could just do better. Be better, even a little bit, what could we build?

For now I will embrace my awe (and sadness).

After the totality, everything is/feels different, and the same.

I wish you Peace

~alison~