Lot�s to report from the frozen north. We dug ourselves out from the first real storm of the season (dumped 12 -15 inches on us). My Darling was up and out of the house bright and early to break in his new J0hn Deer(e) riding lawn mower/snow blower. Boys are cute with their new toys. We had this totally green Christmas followed by more snow then the powers that be could handle in one day. Went to be with a little dusting on the ground Dec 30 and woke up to a real winter wonderland. I was able to get to work OK but it continued to snow and build up so by the time I left the restaurant it was pretty bad again. We were as you might imagine dead and spent the last 45 min all to ourselves waiting to lock the doors at 9:30. Only the stoutest of elderly braved the winter to dine. One gentleman said he spent all day clearing his driveway and was in a hurry to get back home before the plows came by and refilled the end of the drive. I, on the other hand, took over an hour to make the ten minute trip home in part because I got stuck on my own street which is dirt rather than paved and builds up with ice quite easily. A nice gentleman driving a pick up truck stopped and pulled me out and up the street until I could manage the rest of the way myself. The wonderfulness of this climate is that anyone will stop and help or even take you in if they can�t get you unstuck, reminds me of my hometown. It must be the nature of areas where these events regularly cripple the towns. Humanity at it�s best don�t cha know.

Our deer visited digging up the buried corn we had set out the night before. I pictured them huddled together for warmth under the trees the storm railed at them, poor dears.

New Years was a quiet affair at my house. Baby boy went to bed at the usual time and we followed right behind. The lights were out and we were cuddled together in soft light slumber when the fireworks nearby alerted us to the turning of the year (that and the rude call from idiot boy who has my number for the first time in ten years and insists and using it despite our distant relationship.) I kissed my Darling and wished him happy New Year before we slipped into slumber, content with the lack of pomp and circumstance with which we �rang� in the year.

As expected the restaurant business has slacked off from the holiday bustle and pay will diminish significantly over the next month. I will do a brief truncated stint on dayshift since my Darling is scheduled to cover someone�s vacation next week on nights. While they offered to switch my shift when that happened they really have no place for me on days so I will work short shifts on only three days as counter/carryout (not server) which means even less pay. The up side is My Darling won�t have to take care of Baby Boy during the day for most of the week when he should be sleeping. Switching shifts like that is hard and he is cranky when he doesn�t get enough sleep.

Speaking of sleeping, Baby Boy slumbers as we speak which is how I am able to take the time to update. It�s hard for me to find the time to write with all that still needs to be done around here. Every day I try and do some little thing that will bring us that much closer to �done�. I know that that is a theoretical goal because you are never �done� when you own a house but like a curve approaching infinity you can get close.

Amongst the ongoing tasks is the preparation for my parent�s 50th wedding anniversary. Slowly I have been scanning pictures to string together into a short �slide� show for the viewing pleasure of interested parties at the event. We plan to place it on a loop at the party for friends and family to enjoy. A history of these two people bound together in a way that seems almost unattainable now a day. I look at these two people posed in the ancient photos and I see a young couple, in love, looking forward into an unknown future. They are real to me as people not just my parents. I stole the pictures from my parents house from the pile of mementoes rescued from the clutter that was my Grandmothers house after she passed away. Along with my parents there are numerous pictures of my Grandparents looking very much like real people themselves. Oh, how I wish I could know them better. They are part of the chain that stretches back beyond my comprehension. People who lived so long ago whose only mark on the world is the random gene that crops up from time to time displaying red hair or blue eyes unexpectedly. They were and now are no longer, as we will one day be no longer leaving only the same tiny mark in the chain and a few photographs someone may stumble across and think about the person who was me. Such a tiny little speck of time and space we occupy and yet we are both random and unique.

Look at these brothers and their girls (my parents are on the left.)

To mark this new year and new beginning I am returning some writings and a photo to a long lost friend. I debated about including my Physics paper on the Karate punch that I think she might enjoy or a picture of my little Baby Boy or even just my return address and I have instead decided to close that door the rest of the way. By returning the items with no return address or note of any kind she will have her things without any obligation to communicate even a thank you. It is the kindest thing I can think of to allow her to remain in the past while still letting her have back a piece of it. It is letting go and it is hard to do. There was a time in my life when I thought a day would never pass without us talking and it has been almost ten years since we spoke and more than ten since we last could call each other friend. It was a loss more devastating than the end of my first marriage; it was the loss of my first, very best friend. She played a large part in the shaping of the person I am. I will always miss her a little but we will never recapture that friendship it is to far gone and I don�t want to settle for an artificial polite connection forced by civility.

Another year gone by but my life is marked by the little triumphs of a tiny babe, slowed by the attention paid to rolling over and reaching hands. My heart swells with joy and nothing could ever top this moment except the next tiny triumph which will sweep my over again.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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