Christmas is a mere 7 days away (7 days�ooh scary). Following the lead of a friend (who claims to often follow my lead) I suggested that My Darling and I wait until after the holiday to celebrate to take advantage of the sales and extend our limited buying power. This didn�t work. I didn�t (couldn�t) wait. You see there are these shipping specials before the holiday and all this stuff that is spread around before the day and soon gone shortly after. I started long before I suggested waiting because I pick up things when I see them as early as October. So when My Darling found out I had finished my shopping he insisted that I decide on a date for the holiday and I being the child that I am decided on Christmas day. I am a bad wife. This now forces My Darling into shopping in a rush along with all the other men who willingly waited to the last minute. I�m not certain if My Darling is a last minute guy but my silliness has forced it upon him. Crap! I wanted a nice Christmas. As long as I can remember Christmas has been a challenge. Mom was always crazed and it bled into everyone else. My ex was a lousy giver except for our first two Christmases skipping one Christmas altogether even after I gave him money to shop (he blew it at the casino trying to �run it up� to buy a better gift). I�m pretty certain the last Christmas we were married was the first time he cheated on me having spent the evening at his friend�s house instead of with me. There were no gifts that year either. I swore I would never forgo Christmas again, it�s bad for what ails you.

My Darling has gone a long way in blurring the memories and replacing them with more pleasant ones. Also, Baby Boy, though too young this year, will bring back the innocence to the holiday. Through a child�s eyes we see the wonder again. I don�t want to mess that up. No, the holiday will remain the holiday since I suck at self restraint in the gift buying department.

After a little break to feed Baby Boy, watch the furniture guy repair my chair and sit helplessly as Baby Boy cried his way through rolling over and then cried face down in the blanket as he struggled to push himself up. When I rolled him over back to his back he cried so hard I couldn�t stand it so I returned him to his belly where he proceeded to cry none the less. Finally in desperation I picked him up and calmed him assuming he was simply worn out from the effort and in need of a well deserved nap. Putting him in his crib, however, elicited the same crying that I rescued him from originally. I was again forced to wait helplessly for sleep to overtake him. Lucky for me I had the furniture guy to distract me and by the time he had bid adieu Baby Boy was safe in slumber. It is so very difficult to let them struggle, and so very necessary that they learn to do things themselves. I can�t imagine how difficult it will be to watch him jump bikes and climb trees (as a veteran of both and with a terrific scar to mark my �skills� I know I will agonize the whole time.) Letting go begins sooner than I thought. I had hoped to hold him in a bubble a little longer but no, he will find his way even now. I am very proud of him. He worked so hard to roll over that when he finally accomplished the feat he promptly threw up, such spunk in one so very little. He gets that from me I think.

I heard through the grapevine that my decision to sue the company has reached them and they are now determining what to do. I do not put it past them to lie but I will stay strong and adamant, I have done no wrong and deserved far better than I received.

This morning I spent an hour accomplishing very little in the electrical department. I had hoped to replace the power outlets in the kitchen and bath with the ground fault variety but although I got power to the plug for some reason the plug neither worked nor reset to work, just a little green light indicating power to the unit to torment me. Running back and forth from the garage (circuit box) to the second floor finally got the best of me and I returned the original plug to it�s place and resolved to try again when there was two of us. I�m not fearful of the task but simply tired. Besides, My Darling is an electronics tech so he may be better suited to the task. There is no shame in deferring to greater knowledge. I plumb, he can do the electrical, right?

Well I need to wrap a few presents and then get ready for work. I have to leave early to stop by and pick up the invitations for my parents 50th anniversary party. Lot�s to do and only seven days till Christmas. (*whispered* �seven days� gives me chills)

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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