I was unpacking (still) and found a floppy disk labeled �writing for board� and another simply labeled �writing 2�. These were from the time before, the time I have so little reference points. I also found a disk which contained writings from just after I quit but before the troubles bubbled to the surface in my marriage. I tried accessing them on My Darlings floppy drive (rescued from his old computer and installed on the new one) but the disk wasn�t readable by his system. I am burning with curiosity. If I can find a floppy drive that will read the disk I might find a missing piece of my puzzle. Of course it could be nothing too, I just don�t know.

Everyone in my house is asleep, in the middle of the day, so I am being quiet. I was decorating the tree earlier but I�m afraid that I would make too much noise and wake the beast (My Darling) before he is ready to wake up. He was to work this morning at 4:30 am for the second day in a row and worked twelve hours yesterday followed by eight today, he is tired. He is also a great big grump when he wakes up, the ogre he lays claim to for sure. Luckily for me Baby Boy isn�t so grumpy when he wakes up. He does wake crying from time to time but if he�s not too upset I let him cry himself back to sleep. If he sounds truly distressed I dash in and scoop him up so he knows Mommy is there for him when he really needs her. Hopefully I am walking that fine line between spoiling and loving the right amount.

Anyway, instead of decorating the tree I am writing (and not complaining mind you since I often feel guilty about taking time to write with so much to do). It is my second time writing today. This morning I sat down and wrote to my friend overseas (keep and eye out Anna, letter is on the way). As mentioned here before I love writing letters. It has improved my mood a little. I�m not happy because I am uncomfortable, physically and mentally, and nothing I do will ease either condition. Only time will make a difference.

I�m never sure what to write when I feel this way. It feels a bit like whining no matter how I phrase it.

There is a light flutter of snow outside my window which will soon turn to a storm if all accounts on the news are correct. Six inches by morning so they say. As you also may already know I am not fond of snow finding it lovely to look at but wretched to move around in. I ran away from WNY because I had my fill of moving snow around and here I sit, in a mirror climate, waiting for the opportunity to move snow around again. Well, at least this time I am married to a Man which means I won�t have to do the snow moving. Cooking and laundry, yes, but snow removal, no. I think that is fair enough.

Baby Boy just woke up and now sits propped up in front of me learning about computers and writing. Ok he isn�t really learning he barely sits up but he is taking it all in so it won�t be foreign to him when he starts to learn.

I have experienced a desire to draw him. Before you get me wrong I am not a real artist but sometimes when the planets align something I draw actually looks like the object or person I am trying to reproduce. I am fascinated by his tiny fingers and toes, long eyelashes and delicate nose. He is so beautiful I am sure I can�t do him justice but I long to try anyway.

He wants to eat so I will cut this short. I�ll add on if I have time later.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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