I�m home again working which will be my status until this little belly bundle of mine decides to make his appearance. I must admit I not really liking the atmosphere much. You really need to shut out stuff that could be done and focus on the work. It�s not that difficult but when you add in the total lack of human contact (well not total I do get to interact by phone with customers) I am a little lonely for the office.

It�s pouring down rain right now and I am at war with my desire for cool air which is currently wafting in the open patio door and my desire for quiet. So far the rain overflowing my gutters while irritating hasn�t interfered with my ability to hear and be heard by my customers so I�m continuing to enjoy the cool breeze. I�m hoping the rain might let up enough so that the gutters can handle the flow and stop overflowing onto my porch.

It hasn�t rained nearly as much this year as it did last year unfortunately I had other issues keeping me off the bike trails or running the road. I just hope I can find time before winter sets in to get some road work.

The desire for peace and quiet has finally won out and I have shut the door. Now all I can hear is the slight trickle of water that comes from the snake environments fogger. We are hoping the fogger will increase the humidity sufficiently for the snake to have an easier shedding.

I am hoping to hear about the house today. It�s crazy to think that it has been since the end of April and we still have no definitive answer. My realtor is getting scared that we will cut and run if this falls through (we will) and so she is starting to send house listings again. I�m done with looking for a house. If this falls through I�m unpacking and turning the second bedroom into the nursery. It will be a little cramped in here but it will at least be home again. I�m tired of not having my books and stuff accessible.

Baby boy is still rolling about inside, with less room to move it�s a bit more intrusive but still not all that bad. I will be seeing the Doctor every week fro here on (this week it�s Tuesday) and I suspect everyone will respond to my calls the same way a friend did this weekend (are you on your way to the hospital to have the baby?) until he actually shows up. My Darling has provided me with all sorts of numbers to call if I am not able to get a hold of him on his cell (it doesn�t work all that well in the plant). He is also pushing me to get packed up for the trip to the hospital. It�s starting to become really real to him (and to me as well I suppose.) I voiced my concerns over my ability to be a good Mom to him and he admitted he was concerned about his ability to be a good Dad. We reassured each other which may or may not mean much more than �I believe in you� but then again that might be all we need right now. I need to know that he trusts me to take care of our baby and he needs to know I feel the same confidence in him.

I called an old friend this weekend (and when I say old friend I mean the last time we were truly friends is was the eighties.) We never had a falling out we just went our separate ways at one point and never kept up contact. I was pleased to learn that although her marriage didn�t work out (no real surprise from what I was told) she has found someone and has been with him for more than seven years. They even decided to have a baby and she is Mom to a baby boy of her own (currently three years old and born when she was 41 years old). She will be 45 this year (I thought she was younger than me but she assures me that she is not). It was strange and wonderful to hear her voice. I have heard a few stories (very few) of her exploits and I suspect the same can be said of mine for her. Her Parents are good friends of my older brother and people talk. She was a family gathering so we chatted briefly and made plans to have a real talk (and exchange e-mails for the purpose of sharing pictures) sometime soon. I was such a different person then. Raving unmediated lunatic to some extent, manic most of the time, which made me fun to hang around. I don�t know if she knows the truth. She reminisced about our fun together and expressed a desire to �party� with me again (we did have a great deal of fun and I don�t recall a lot of drinking then, I just never slept much and worked a lot including bartending as a team with her.) Sunny and Alex we were known as then. It was a lot of fun. I was 24 and I didn�t know anything. Such a long time ago. I can�t wait to really catch up.

I wonder sometimes if I might catch up with other long lost friends (or I should say friends whose location I know but whose potential reception to my ovations are unknown.) I am curious in somewhat the same fashion as I get curious as to the whereabouts and exploits of my ex. There is similar water under that bridge as well. To be fair I might have expected too much of this particular friend being as I was into the cups and living deep in denial as to my mental disorder. Then again aren�t your friends the ones who are supposed to smack you across the face and make you hear what they have to say? I suppose after all I had been through supporting her I expected more in return. Maybe that wasn�t fair of me. Some relationships start out and are destined to forever be onesided. Maybe that is all we were able to have. I would like to know that she is OK and happy but I don�t want to start up again because I don�t know if I am different enough not to fall into bad habits again. I guess I will have to let this one go as well.

Time to get something to eat. It�s kinda fun to raid the refrigerator rather than think of where to eat or bring a lunch I�m not wanting by lunchtime.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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