Much happening in my world of late (something is better than nothing I suppose regardless of the content). The Shower preparation is in full swing and already there are hurt feelings. Since I am a stranger here and somewhat friendless I am dependent on my new family to pick up where my distant friend would normally be and throw me a baby shower. My friends, who know me quite well, are calling to wonder how I ended up with precious moments invites. Anyone who knows me even a little knows that I am anything but a precious moments kinda girl. In fact, I am a bit of a tomboy even to this day eschewing shopping and makeup for playing out in the dirt and working on cars. That�s what happens when strangers (even the well meaning kind) plan you event.

There is also a pre-existing relationship problem between the family and one of the SIL that once again rears it�s ugly head. While I quite plainly heard my SIL volunteer on several occasions to help out with the shower it seems as though my other SIL never heard it and in fact �figured she would be too busy� and so left her out of the planning. Not only that but evidently there is a tradition here (one I have not heard of or participated in with the few showers I helped sponsor) of crediting the sponsors on the invitation which make sure that everyone knows who was and wasn�t involved. SIL (excluded) was of course hurt and I don�t blame her, I would be too. Worse yet she and her husband (My Darling�s brother) are the two people we have socialized the most with since we arrived so if anything she should have been consulted for appropriate �theme� (Precious Moments???).

Worse yet there is nothing to be done to fix it. (I am the fixer you know so nothing grinds me more than not being able to fix something).

Now I am trying to come up with inexpensive shower ideas to assure that I don�t end up with an equally inappropriate event, Of course I am thoroughly convinced that no one will attend and I will be sitting there surrounded by My Darlings family (if MIL is able to attend having scheduled replacement knee surgery the Monday before the shower weekend) and my Mother in a rented room filled with precious moments knick knacks (can you say �run screaming into the woods�?). Suggestions are welcome.

I want to make the Teddy Bear Cake substituting bike helmet for beret but My Darling thinks that�s too much work for me (it is an involved decoration but I like it. Maybe I can find a decorator in the area who would be willing to make the cake for me (I could even loan the pan). As for decorations I would like an outdoorsy, hiking, and/or mountain bike theme since they are by far My Darling and my favorite activities.

Since My Darling is scheduled to cover vacations at his work this summer he transfers over to nights the first two weeks of July which leaves me on my own at night. I am planning on trying to get the baby quilt, crib �ruffle� and nursery accessories made during that time period. I found a wonderful fabric (see below) to build the room around and I think because it isn�t really babyish it will transition to a boy�s room without many changes.

STILL no word on the house. We should hear from the realtor today but I suspect it will be yet again more wait and see. This weekend brings the giant Balloon festival and so house hunting would be difficult. I hate the idea of wasting our realtors time and gas too, since if we get the house all the running around we are now doing would be for naught. We�ll probably do much the same this weekend that we did last weekend with a little break in the middle to go to the big party at SIL house (yes the one with the hurt feelings). The whole family will be there along with her family and their friends so with luck there will be no drama. (I hate drama; my ex was full of it).

Maybe I will meet some new friends (I�m not sure why I have such difficulty making friends.) My Darling thinks I am very good at making friends, he says people like me, but I don�t feel that way. I have always elicited strong reactions from people and many people hate me on sight although I have yet to determine why. I�m a bit shy around people too. It�s not that I won�t talk to strangers; it�s more that I am suspicious of their motives (why ever would they want to talk to me?) Large parties like this bring out the best in me sometimes and sometimes I just cower in the corner afraid of contact with people obviously higher in the social strata. I�m a bit of a bumpkin you know.

I want back into my comfort zone. I want my dear friends around me holding my hand and telling me I�m OK. What a baby I can be sometimes. I can�t imagine what happened to that brave soul that tramped around the country befriending whom ever crossed her path (oh yeah that�s right, she was chemically altered and oblivious to her shortcomings, she must have been horrible to be around). Of course I�m still friends with many of the folks I met at that time so I suppose I wasn�t all that terrible. I need to learn to be more open and fearless in social situations. I don�t really care who likes me and who doesn�t since I know it rarely has anything to do with me but I hate being rejected repeatedly (it wears you down after a while). How will I teach my son to be fearless if I am not? How do I not pass along the timidness my mother passed to me? My Darling is strong but shy and makes acquaintances easily (he�s very personable once he warms to you) but friends are few and far between. I want better for my child. How do you break the cycle?

Time enough to worry that bone, for now I think I will look forward to being free from work for two days and out of doors in the daylight (my legs are reflective white from being locked away all winter. I need me some color.)

Have a wonderful weekend friends.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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