Standing still is not the easiest thing to do. If you have ever been an attendant in a wedding or had to speak formally you are probably painfully aware of the difficulty and concentration required to stand still. This ability is also quit useful for hunting and or enjoying the wildlife. The slightest movement will chase away the delicate creatures of the forest. Stillness is also a requirement for martial arts mastery. Even in motion one must find stillness in order to experience the release of the movement. One must �get out of the way� of the movement.

I am currently obsessed with stillness because I can find no sense of it in my life even I I feel as though all has come to a standstill. There has been no measurable movement on the house (that is not to say there has been no movement, paperwork has been requested by the bank and provided by the seller but from my vantage point there is no advancement of my cause.) The baby moves around all day long flipping and kicking reminding me of his presence moment to moment lest I forget there is a living being in residence in my belly. I travel from home to work and back again stopping along the way to shop and socialize all the while I feel stuck. At a standstill but never still. My emotions follow the same trend rushing about from fear and worry through sadness and eventually back to expectant optimism. I wait, but poorly, for home, baby and life to begin.

Realistically I understand that life is what happens when you aren�t paying attention and I am in fact living the life I want right now, it just isn�t quite what I had hoped for by now. Still I would be remiss if I didn�t recognize how my road has wandered over hill and dale depositing me here at the newest crossroad. I do not stand here so much as I spin, circling, waiting, stirring up dust on path blurring my Vision and scaring away all the darling little creatures I might enjoy if I could simply set myself down and sit quietly, in stillness and wait.

There was a time I sought an �off� button fool that I was to think that unconsciousness was what I wanted. Now I know that I wish to be on but in, well perhaps the phrase I want is �stand-by� mode. Still, waiting for the moment when I know the next step, when there is no other logical decision.

I must find that still place inside that I have lost my touch with and practice being there. My feeling of being stuck is delusional; I am moving more than I need to. It�s time to stand still and let the world come to me.

Deep Breaths will carry away the frantic and leave behind the gentle, soft silence.

Be Still!!

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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