Still�Still�Still waiting for the paperwork. The stupid state sent a receipt for the document but not the document itself. No one can go and pick it up, it has to be mailed and for some reason it takes two weeks to get it done. I have requested the information on the department in the state government that is responsible so I can write a letter of complaint. I am practically homeless due to this bureaucracy.

(OK between you and me I'm not homeless, My Darling negotiated for two more weeks at the apartment so we do not have to move our stuff into storage and crash with relatives, whew!!)

The whole thing is wearing me down though. I�m not sleeping well and I wake up tired and feel drained all day long. Last night my right eye began to bother me. It was quite sensitive to the light as well as sore. I took out my contacts and I am sporting glasses today. While this will give my eye a rest and provide the opportunity to heal it will stress my brain because of my astigmatism. My contacts do not adjust for the astigmatism but the glasses do so my brain gets strange info when I wear my glasses and that means nausea and headaches. This is why I never wear my glasses. I�ve tried the toric lenses and they move around in my eye too much (they are weighted so that they stay in place but moving your head around can displace them and that makes things fuzzy. It drives me crazy so I prefer to just ignore the astigmatism.

It�s bright and early and all I can think of is going home and sleeping. I�m told this is temporary, that my energy levels will improve and once the baby is born I should return to my normal level of activity (or more depending on the needs of the infant). I just don�t want to become a slug. My whole life I have been active, sometimes too active I know but in good shape for the most part since my mid twenties. As you age you lose that I know but I want to hang on as long as I can for my self and for the baby. I don�t want to get old before I absolutely have to and right now I feel really old.

From what I understand this is normal for pregnancy. All of my sister-in-laws experienced the same this at the same time so I suppose I shouldn�t panic. One of the ladies is already back into fighting shape a mere 6 months after the birth of her little girl and she and her husband are already planning for their next addition. For me this is it. A second attempt would be tempting the fates too much. I am still uncertain as to the health of the child I am carrying. Everything seems normal know but having opted out of the genetic testing I am left to wonder if the mental status will be normal. I am lucky to be having even this one child so I will not complain, but I can�t help but worry a little in the back of my mind.

I just hope I can return to myself (physically) soon after the baby is born.

The weekend is coming and since we are not moving and are mostly packed there will not be much for me to do so I can rest up.

I am planning on fitting my bridesmaid dress this weekend. I had a fitting at a tailors and she didn�t impress me. The trouble with alterations is the seamstress wants to do as little as possible to make the dress fit and I am concerned that in the end I�m going to pay someone to do a poor job at a task I am quite good at. I spent my four years in college (this first time) fitting costumes for every show that we staged. I was the person that could adjust any costume to look good on the performer. I was so good at it one of my teachers suggested I switch from onstage to backstage. For the record, I was (and am) quite good at acting (not ego just fact) but I was not skinny enough for the stage. My teacher felt I would face too much disappointment watching girls with less talent cast in parts that should have been mine because they could fit into the little costumes. Later on in life I finally attained the tiny frame (I though) required to finally be considered for real parts only to find that my size four, 13% body fat, amenorrhea (that�s when your reproductive system shuts down for lack of body fat) was still to large. The agent suggested I lose another 10 pounds. While a briefly considered sawing off a limb to effect the requested loss I simply decided to give up and began waiting around to die (this is the time period better known as my thirties). What a waste.

Anyhoo� I�ll probably fix the dress in between naps.

Gotta scoot.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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