The Holidays have long been a time of upheaval in my home. My mother is the child of an alcoholic with all the baggage that provides. My Grandfather would erupt around the holidays as surely as old faithful. My childhood was peppered with holiday evens as my Mother continued the tradition. I have escaped the cycle (despite a lingering depression that accompanies this time of year) but my Niece has picked up the gauntlet and run away with it.

To be honest I am not sure if I mentioned that my Dad was in the hospital. He went in a week ago Monday (although my parents in their �wisdom� decided to withhold the information from us kids until Thursday, boy did we all give them hell for that). He was originally admitted with congestive heart failure (he claims the Doctor didn�t tell him until Friday the original diagnosis). He also had a rapid heartbeat and that was the main problem they have been chasing down since his admission. His hospital stay left my Mother home alone with the two kids, my Nephew (15), who is desperately trying to �save� his sister, and my Niece (13) who is doing everything she can to not be saved. She has been kicked out of school twice, once for attempting to set fire to the principals desk at the end of a temper tantrum that began in the classroom and was carried down to his office. That got her expelled for the first thirty days of this year and excluded from summer school. The second time was for having pot on school grounds. She is currently expelled. The last time my Father was in the hospital she was admitted to the psych unit for a similar outburst to the occurrence last night that left her confined yet again and this time for the holiday. This time she not only fought and physically threatened my Mother, she destroyed part of her bedroom wall and set a fire in her room. I have had to work hard at convincing my Mother that she can not help my Niece. That little girl needs professional help and I am afraid of what could happen if my father isn�t around to control her (I�m not sure how long he will be able to control her anyway).

She is upset (so she says) that she will be in the hospital for the holiday especially because my entire family will be home. She blames my Mother for �keeping her� from her Uncles (she hates me and has no desire to see me � mostly because I �see� her) and wants them to visit her and bring Thanksgiving dinner to the hospital. It would all be very believable except that she threatened to �kill� herself last night knowing that would put her into lockdown. When my Mother ignored her she destroyed her wall and set fire to her room. Now she is the queen who will receive court from her family on the holiday. I intend on suggesting we all simply ignore her. So much for court. We shall see. I, for one, will not attend the hospital gala for her good and my own. She doesn�t want to see me and I certainly don�t care to see her.

My bother thinks I should have more empathy. After all, as he puts it, I don�t know how I would feel if I were her. I disagree. Most people, including my family, forget that I am an actress (a really good one and that�s not bragging that�s a fact) and that gives me a microscope into the human psyche. I understand and have compassion for the child, I hold her Father responsible for her behavior, but I can not in good conscious ignore the danger she presents to my family. I will not allow her to destroy my parents lives or health and welfare regardless of the sucky hand she has been dealt. Empathy and compassion does not provide a get out of jail free care. One still must pay the price for one�s decisions. If she is not held accountable here and now she will be held accountable a few years from now (brutally) by the corrections department. She will follow the footsteps of her mother and do time for petty crap until someday she kills herself purposefully or accidentally or is killed by someone else for some stupid reason. She may very well have the poor sense to reproduce and subject an innocent baby to the same irresponsible treatment she received at the hands of her �mother� and father.

People want to believe in miracles but the reality is children are sometimes lost the day they are born. There is nothing that will save them from themselves. I can hope for the best but I can only do what is right for the people I love and hope that it will give my Niece the opportunity to change her life.

My Dad is home today having recovered almost completely (they will install a stint on Monday but he is expected to make a full recovery). I will see him soon. I�m going home tonight for the holiday. I will see my brothers all together in the same place for the first time in 7 years. Wish me luck.

I�m feeling surprisingly detached from the emotional conflict. I�m sad for my parents and for my niece but I feel distant from it, like I am riding the top of the emotional wave. This either means I am in severe denial or I am recognizing that I can do nothing to �control� what�s going on, I can only face the situation step by step and make decisions based on the most natural course of action.

Accept what you can�t change,
Change what you can,
Recognize the difference.

I can not be there for my Niece and my Mom. My Mother is my first priority and I will protect her from any and all threats. My Niece will need to find another advocate. It will be better for her to find someone with out the emotional investment.

I�m looking forward to the relative calm of My Darlings family gathering on Saturday. It is a mistake to become too attached, I know, but they think they are dysfunctional and they really have no idea.

Gotta go, didn�t bring lunch so I have to run and get some. I�ll check in later.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

�