I have reached a point in my current job where I have earned the reputation for being a true team player. People from other departments feel comfortable coming to me to request assistance and I am happy to oblige. I have always been disturbed by the divisions often found in companies as one department jealously protects it�s �turf� to the overall detriment of the company as a whole. The success or failure of a business should be the personal concern of all employees from the CEO all the way down to the production floor. Of course you must still protect your own personal interests in the sense that you should always be aware that you are replaceable and plan accordingly but in the day to day �that�s not in my job description� is not an option.

The sad part of this is I am working diligently to transition out of state even as I make myself more visible in the work environment. I am sad to be leaving. I am not looking forward to making my way yet again as the newbie at another company. Not only will I be forced to read and learn about a whole new crop of people but I will have to move back to the bottom of the ladder yet again. All my experience count for naught unless I land in a Lab specializing in a similar industry to my past positions and the likelihood of landing a position in a similar field position is slim to nil.

So I gather my recommendations and continue to fish for opportunities in the cold waters of Michigan. Even as we speak the automakers are laying another crop of workers off and although they probably won�t be competing with me in the job market the more people looking for work the less a business wants to pay for other positions. This doesn�t necessarily mean that I won�t be doing better financially there even at a lower wage. In fact even if I step down significantly I will be ahead based on the housing market alone. You can rent a house in MI for $700 a month. That�s right, you heard me, $700. You can buy one for 80K, with land around it. This is cheery for me.

I�m frightened of the future in spite of all the friends currently cheering me on. Knowing that you are doing the right thing does not make the fear go away. Now that I have told my parents it has become real to me.

That�s and interesting dynamic by the way. It occurred to me this weekend that my reluctance to tell the folks may have not had as much to do with them �getting carried away� as my fear of promising and then not delivering. This begs the question �why would I not deliver?� And the answer is �If I chickened out.� This means in my head I was still contemplating the possibility. Stay with me now because this took me to a thought that had never occurred to me even as My Darling was threatening to tell my folks for me. How must it have looked to him? Here I am planning this with him but resisting telling my family. It must have seemed very precarious. Would I back out at the last minute? I could you know. I have friends here, I wouldn�t have to go. Did he consider that the thought of such a big commitment would cause me to rethink our association?

I may be over thinking this but I may owe him a little reassurance. I never considered leaving him, in fact I never seriously considered not leaving the state, I�m just afraid. It is a tribute to him that I am willing to make my way with another person. If he were less of the man he is, or more demanding I might have run off into the hills ages ago but he is wonderful (despite his human flaws) and his quiet patience and willingness to love me even as I resisted being loved has cemented my love for him.

I hope that we can withstand the pressure of moving and restarting (I suspect we can) and go on to build a new life, one I never thought was possible at this late date.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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