The nuts and bolts of moving your entire life from one side of the country to another are slowly being handled. My Darling has taken charge of most of the planning (such as obtaining the hitch, trailer and investigating auto insurance and financial institutions). It is strange to be involved with someone who can take care of things by himself. This is the relationship I always wanted but never had. I don�t feel as though I am caring for a child (whiny baby) like I did with my ex. I do my part he does his, a team I tell ya.

Tomorrow will be T � 2 months and counting. Sounds like a long time but it isn�t. I know how quickly time can pass and although it seems like forever away it will sneak up on me and I will still feel as though I am rushing around at the end. *Sigh* At least I will have another person to share the burden.

No one is the wiser at work yet, I haven�t told even my closest work friends, although I admitted to one of them that I believed I would probably have to move closer to home to be there for my parents someday. I just haven�t shared how close that someday is. I am planning to use the �I need to be close to my family� excuse for leaving while My Darling is planning to use the �I�m moving back home to start a family� excuse. Both are valid but I think I would be a little embarrassed to admit to wanting to start a family at my age. I suppose I shouldn�t be but I guess I am.

Tonight I will tell my other karate student that I am leaving. I am hoping she will not be too upset (I don�t like upsetting people; it�s one of my character flaws). I have a dinner date toward the end of the month to tell one of my oldest friends and I�m sure that she will be upset. She will, of course, get over it but it is going to be very difficult. I will still attend her marriage no matter where she eventually decides to tie the knot (Vegas has been bandied about but local is a possibility as well). In the end I hope she will decide to be happy for me because I am happy.

Sometimes I feel so very young. I was cuddling with my Sweetie the other night and we were watching a movie and remember thinking that I feel like a little kid sometimes. I am a 42 year old woman and I feel like I�m barely 21 and starting my life. I wonder if it is because I am, in some ways, starting my life. The last twenty years I have been plagued by emotional upheaval and now the enormity of than has been resized for me and that has changed everything. In some ways it is like those years have never been. On the other hand I did live those years and learned tremendous lessons that have been incorporated into how I live my life now. The question is, how long will I feel so young and when will I get old. Will it come too some and steal away what is left of my life?

I am distracting myself with cleaning and weaning things from my possession but soon enough this will be upon me.

*Deep breath*

~I can do this~

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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