This weekend (made longer by the addition of Friday off) was eventful. A little fender bender on Friday morning nearly ruined the day but after a short fume my Sweetheart was back to his self. The estate saling was fun (for me at least I still don't know how he feels but he got a nice chair so I'm thinking he liked it).

Biking on Saturday was more than I could manage since I wasn't feeling all that well. I did at least a couple of miles but it was mostly up hill on the way out so I suffered for it. I sometimes feel so very old (and with him so young I just don't want to show it so I push myself beyond what I am really capable). He knows I do this and it worries him which makes me feel old again (it's a vicious circle) like I'm gonna keel over (help I've fallen and I can't get up).

Then Sunday after my yard work we were off to the store so that he could purchase a tank to keep carnivorous plants in (what is it about men and carnivorous plants?). I was still not feeling well and he got a little concerned and then distressed (it's like he is afraid I will break). A night of playing my favorite video game (he works the controller and I tell him where to go in the worlds. Even that makes me feel old since I can't seem to master the PS controller, child of Atari that I am. Did I forget to mention that he told his mother how old I am (she asked)? No comment from her (unless there was and he's not telling me but I will have to believe him when he says she didn't react badly). He also told his Mom that we would be splitting the holidays with the two families. If she was disappointed again she didn't show it. I hate that this is so complicated. He tells me that many young men are dating older women because younger women are "immature". I find that really interesting because when I was young all the girls were dating older men because the younger men were "immature". How the world changes.

I am now sitting here at my desk contemplating the weekend (and the many to come) trying not to get too worked up about the things that will be facing me this fall. I am so keyed up about my old life and my new one. There seems to be such an ocean of difference between them but still, in many ways more than I can deal with. I must somehow learn to put the stuff that is in the future aside until it arrives and not obsess about it. It is so easy to say and so much harder to do. He is the only man I have spent this much time with other that my ex. How wonderful and terrifying all at once. Sometimes I am hanging on by my fingernails (thank God they are strong). If I let go I will either fall or fly, I'll let you know which when I am able to let go (or unable to hang on any longer.)

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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