Sleepless night number two. I am up sipping tea yet again to sooth a dry throat. My sinus cavities are currently resisting the neti pot despite my prepping them with a hot shower. My head aches and my eyes are watery. I believe it is probably a head cold since antihistamine doesn't seem to change things much. Yesterday I got some relief during the day using the methods above but it is hard to say which one or combination was responsible. No relief tonight.

I have it in my head I would like to make baby boy a quilt. A well made quilt is an heirloom and rare now a day. An elderly woman customer at work has volunteered to help me but it seems like a huge undertaking and I would hate to begin yet another project only to peter off quietly into failure. Lately I feel overwhelmed with failure. I know that I do stuff everyday that I should be proud of. I still drag myself off to work and even make it pleasant whenever I can. I give my Baby Boy much love and guideline as he become more familiar with the world and it's many intricacies. I mostly take care of my husband making sure we have dinner and he has lunch (although I sometimes forget and feel awful despite his understanding.) I shop, clean and do chores around the house and have even made a dent in the prep for my parents visit. They do not judge nor care about the condition of my house yet I still feel the need to have a clean house. As a friend recently said, it says that you are worth my effort to clean up. Not that the place is every truly dirty. There are dishes in the sink from time to time and the floor may need a sweep especially under Baby Boys chair since he is spotty at getting food to mouth still. I tend to feel as though I do not measure up to my Darlings family even though I know intellectually that this is neither an issue for them nor a a healthy thought process. Condemning myself for not living up to another person's standard is silly. Still I would like to keep a house like theirs I just can't seem to get there.

There I go dwelling on what I cannot do instead of all that I do.

Uhg, I'm too tired to write anymore. I'm going to vegetate with some internet game and maybe fall asleep on the couch.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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