The sky is blue today. It is warm, sunny and the grass is dark green. Flowers are pushing up through the grass. I worship the sun (sort of). I am not a sun worshiper of the ancient variety, nor am I a tanning goddess. More like I am one of the flowers from my garden. I spend the winters buried and a cold dark place waiting for the warm sun to bake away the cold so I can lift my head up and absorb her life sustaining rays.

The sun can't make everything alright though. I want my family to enjoy this side of me having endured the other side all winter but the real world has a way of yanking the rug out from under your feet.

My Darling, who works very hard and long hours to provide for me and Baby Boy, has been informed that he will need to work MORE hours the next month or so. Now...as the sun returns and we are set free from our bondage, he will be tied to his job more firmly and completely. 58 hours a week.

It's not happening to me but then again it is because I have so little time with him (or so it seems to me) and now I will have less. I feel selfish to say it when he is the one working all the time but then I miss him. When he gets home he is tired and I don't know what to do. I can't really do anything and it hurts to see him work so hard.

I feel a little lost when he isn't there for me. It's not fair to him to put that kind of pressure on but then again it is the truth. Then he puts pressure on himself and we just live in a giant pressure cooker (you see where I am going with this?) Too much pressure.

I don't have anywhere to go from here, normally when I write I have some direction I am heading in but today I'm just, disappointed. I was looking forward to something and now it's not going to happen.

All the while the sun is shining. Damn sun, doesn't she know it should be raining. Where are the dark clouds to mark the day.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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