First things first, I would like to welcome a new reader, I�m glad you are here.

Second, I have a limited amount of time this morning because I slept until the ridiculous time of eight o�clock. Normally Baby Boy wakes me up by 6 or 6:30 but this morning he also slept in. I always feel guilty about sleeping in like that because My Darling has been up and at work for almost four hours by then with commute that is almost five hours awake. I am such a lazy slug. Adding to that I didn�t really do much this morning other than ready Baby Boy for his stay at the SIL�s and get myself ready for the few hours I have to work today. Other than Tuesdays I don�t work an eight hour shift anymore. Of course with housework I suppose I make up for it.

Sharing is going well. After a rocky start where My Darling continued to feel left out and I continued to struggle with just what I was supposed to be doing beyond what I was already trying to do I seemed to have landed on it. I�m supposed to ask for what I want. What a revolutionary idea. Asking for something and braving the consequences of actually wanting something. When I trace back to my previous life I find a common thread. I have asked for things and been told that I expect too much, I am demanding, oh and pushy, and egotistical.

�you think you are so smart�

�You think the world revolves around you�

�I�m sorry I can�t help you but I have X to do� which is always more important and helping me move or take care of some emergency. Even when I received help it seems a bit grudging. One night I called my friend because my cat was really sick and I didn�t want to drive myself to the emergency clinic. She and her husband came and took me but I heard for weeks afterwards about how tired they both were and how the cat died anyway and cost a lot of money (my money mind you) when I could have waited until morning and had the same outcome. These stories keep cropping up in my thoughts as I examine why I have landed on the opinion that I ask too much and why I consequently ask for nothing. This leaves My Darling making all the decisions which is not fair to him.

Decided, I must ask for what I want. I must not just let someone else make all the decisions for me.

Man, I wish I had more time but I have to run.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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