The Holidays are here and that means family gathering. While I am thrilled that I will see my older brother and he his brand new nephew I don�t relish the two days and three nights I will be enduring in my childhood home. My father bought the house he grew up in from his father and my parents have been ensconced in the place ever since. They are collectors and they are in their seventies. They are almost candidates for �Clean H0use� (my husband might argue with the almost but you could eat off his mothers floor.) They do not have a guest room as yet and so when we visit we must either stay in a hotel and incur hurt feelings or put my 14 year old niece out of her less than tidy room making both my husband and I uncomfortable. Either option is unsatisfactory. I finally fessed up to my Mom what the problem was. She and my Dad had determined that my husband was uncomfortable staying with them but they were only half right (since I am also uncomfortable) and all wrong as to the reason. I convinced her that they needed a guest room if we were going to visit regularly. Years ago when my Grandmother was faced with the fact that she could no longer live on her own my parents had an addition put on their home adding a large room with handicap accessible bathroom on the first floor and above it doubling the size of their room including a maser bath. The house is still officially a two bedroom house since my nephews room is really nursery and the attic rooms (one of which I spent my teen years) is unheated (thank goodness for Grandmas feather bed). I told my mother we would help her to convert Grandma�s room from a children�s play room (the niece and nephew are hardly children anymore) into a guest room. All we ask is that they invest in a trundle bed like the one we have for when they come to stay here. The room is large enough for us and the Baby Boys things and since it is on the first floor we are less likely to disturb if Baby Boy gets fussing at night. They say it�s OK if Baby Boy disturbs but lack of sleep will not contribute to good moods all around.

I wonder sometimes about how My Darling gets along with my parents. Generally they seem to do OK but unlike my lying and deceitful Ex My Darling isn�t always charismatic. He is a little OCD (and I don�t mean the cute �I�m type A� kind of OCD but the real diagnosable kind, a fact that even he will admit to). My parents don�t understand him and he doesn�t understand them. It bothers him that they serve the chicken separate from the chicken soup (I know it�s weird, I don�t do it). The condition of the house is hard to tolerate for both of us and My Darling watches as I compulsively clean the entire time I am there. For him a visit to the parents means sitting around relaxing and letting Mom and Dad take care of everything for a weekend for me it means doing everything I can all weekend long so my elder parents can take a break. Not exactly relaxing so my Darling feels that I work too hard on what is supposed to be a vacation. Of course all my folks see is my Darling all irritated and then they wonder if I�m in another abusive relationship (for the record I�m not). Worse part is anything I say (�you just don�t understand him�, �he isn�t like this normally�) just makes me sound like I am in an abusive relationship. *Sigh*. I don�t know what to do or even if there is anything I can do.

For this reason I have come to dread holidays. I want to make frequent trips home, it�s why I returned from CA mostly but we have to find that middle ground. I manage with his parents but then their house is immaculate and even though there is nothing to do there My Darling is right it forces us to relax rather than �make good use� of our free time fussing around the house. I want him to be at least as comfortable at my folks as I am at his. He will do whatever makes me happy including staying in my nieces room and watching me clean but I want to be able to enjoy the visits more. There is not that much time left to us to enjoy each other. There is a deadline (pardon the pun) on this existence and they are nearing theirs. I could depart at anytime as well and I want to spend more time with them so that Baby Boy can know his Grandparents.

Holidays are for families and we try so very hard to make everyone happy as we navigate the shark infested waters of our childhood. I wish it weren�t so very hard to have my cake and eat it.

Oh, and yesterday was my 44th birthday. Happy Birthday to Me!

My Brother in Kuwait thought it was the day before and my Father thought it was today.

Then again I forgot my older brothers birthday for three days�two years in a row, so who am I to judge.

�Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven, so you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it."

Words from Wicked via dear Zuzu.

No time like the holidays, no place like home.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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