What a fabulous day I had. My very dear friend from CA managed to tack a couple of days onto a business trip and stop by to visit me. I have missed her so much since my move to the Midwest and seen her only once (at the Vegas wedding) and then for too short a time and too distracted by other events. This time it was all about us and catching up. We talked into the night, woke early the next day (I managed a day off) and talked some more. She worked some exercises with me (CFR) to help get my body ready for the rigors of one more month of pregnancy and childbirth and then we lunched and shopped girlfriends once more. She added to my baby haul and we ate at the restaurant where I once worked. Everyone was happy to say hello and the management once again wanted to know when I was coming back. Of course I�m not likely to be able to return, my days of working two jobs is over. Well actually I will still have two jobs it�s just that one of them will involve burping, feeding and changing.

We stopped at the local pet store so should could advise me as to the items� we needed to purchase to transform our snake�s environment to one more compatible with his natural environment. My friend runs a pet store in CA as well as working as a CFR therapist and is a font of information on all things pet related. The three of us spent the evening transforming the habitat into something more tropical and interesting. The humidity is so important for healthy shedding of skin. Here�s hoping that he will be a happier snake.

After dinner (and before the snake habitat remodel) we took a drive over to the house we are trying to buy (no, no word, the paperwork seems to be in limbo as best we can find out. The seller�s realtor hasn�t called ours back; I think he might be afraid of her. She is threatening to give me the number to call since I seem to be able to get results. I promised to cry if I had to.) This was followed by a trip to the ice cream caboose (a local favorite actually located in a train caboose).

Towards the end of the evening she pulled some pictures from her bag. Pictures from long ago, pictures from before the transition, from a party where I had, inebriated stepped accidentally into a Jacuzzi (in ground) fully clothed. There were no pictures of my ex (I suspect he might have been taking the pictures) but there I was in all my drunken glory (yuck). Both my friend and My Darling agreed that I don�t look �messy drunk� and I toddled off to bed (having planned already to stay the night rather than my Ex or I driving home drunk) shortly after determining, all by myself, that I was no longer fit for public consumption. I never was fond of being a public display. If I separate myself from my shame all I see are 5 friends laughing in a Jacuzzi. I remember that night; we were all so crowded around the Jacuzzi any one of us could have tumbled but I was the one and I was teased quite a bit afterwards. In the grand scheme of things (and in light of what came later) it was fairly innocuous but I still feel ashamed of the person I let myself be. Later on my Ex told stories of that night and others that painted me in a far darker light but my friend, whom I trust, assures me that I was innocent of anything other than a slightly tipsy step into hot water followed by an early exit from the festivities.

Past, present and future ever colliding in my head.

It was difficult to go to bed even as I watched the clock and realized that I was long past my bedtime. It�s so very hard to let go of the people who have so much of your life story. I told her how much I missed her. It�s these people in our lives that help us to take the bits and pieces of our lives, pull them out of the box, examine thin from all angles, then through them up and shoot them. They are voices of reason that penetrate our insanity. It takes such a long time to develop this kind of relationship and thus friends like this are so very hard to replace when time and distance makes maintaining almost impossible. She asked that I wake her before I headed off to work so that she could say goodbye again. I hate goodbyes.

I will float on the wave of this visit for a long time to come. I will mull the insights she provides and contemplate everything we shared during the short time we had. Even a day gives me so much.

My wish for her:

A safe drive to her destination and a safe trip home again.

Love, Hope and Peace.

Maybe, someday, if she finds she wants it, a baby of her own.

As I pointed out when she adamantly insisted she never wants a baby (she�s 32) never say never (as I live and breathe) and never underestimate the power of the biological clock.

BTW: Pictures of the shower are coming and I am doing fine. Life is good.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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