Have you ever owned a cat? Or more accurately has a cat ever owned you? It doesn�t seem to matter how much you love them and want to take care of them they will ignore the person who most wants to love them and attach to whomever they please. No amount of effort on your part will change that behavior. You might be able to fool them if you ignore them completely, then and only then will they possibly decide you are worthy of their attentions. You may wonder why I bring up this topic and no I�m not contemplating getting a cat. I had this thought; fear really, what if my baby boy doesn�t like me? I mean, they are supposed to �know� their mother and bond with them. Heck, I already feel the attachment as I put my hand on my belly and feel his little baseball head rolling around in there. But what if he comes out takes one look at me and burst into tears, consoled only by his father? I know, I know, I am like every other mother on the face of the earth facing the reality of a little tiny person entering my world. I sit and wonder if I will be a good mother, if my baby will like me, if I will be able to give him what he needs without spoiling or depriving him. Will I be able to love him? I have in the past disliked my own cat, can you dislike your own child and if so how to you keep from letting it show?

I had a little trip to the hospital on Tuesday. It was nothing, just over cautiousness based on my advanced age. I have had trouble seeing, reading mostly (a normal side effect of pregnancy) and the �book� says this is normal but that you should tell your doctor anyway because it can also be a not so normal might need some attention thing. The nurse asked a couple of questions and decided that I needed my blood pressure checked. Under normal circumstances I would have stopped by the office for a check but since they were really swamped and I am old they decided to send me off to the hospital where they could not only check my BP but also monitor the baby and run additional tests as needed. I am fine. I have habitually low BP, always have, and all the other tests came back normal as well. I was able to sit and listen to the baby�s heart beat for an hour or so as they waited for three �active� periods (of course it was his naptime so I had to wake him up in order to get him moving around.) I�m still a month out and I know his patterns pretty well. He is most active right after meals and once or twice in the middle of the night. He then settles down for a nap and will only get active again when it is time for me to eat. I wonder sometimes if he gets irritated when I stroke my stomach and run my hand down his spine or if he likes it. Of course I can�t imagine he likes being woken up when he is napping (I can tell you that his father doesn�t like it at all). I must admit I�m awful attached to him, my Darling Baby Boy. You can understand why I might be upset about the prospect of him not liking me.

It�s silly, I know, but at least it is normal.

Currently there is no real news on the house front. According to our realtor the sellers realtor has spoken to the bank that holds the mortgage and they will be having the house assessed this week (of course we have already been told that on two separate occasions so I am skeptical of the actual event taking place). I don�t imagine we will get an answer anytime before next week. If we lose this house we will have to wait until the baby is born and a little older before we go house hunting again. (the realtor just called to say that the assessor called yesterday to get the combination to the key box so as to perform the assessment yesterday or today). Fingers crossed.

Sunday is the shower and my folks will be arriving on Saturday. I have to get my baby crib stuff finished and my house cleaned up (there are boxes everywhere including on the few seats available for guests). Trouble is I�m mostly too tired to do anything at the end of the day (y�all are welcome to stop by anytime and do a little housework). Trouble with virtual friends is they aren�t likely to be able to help you move furniture. Tomorrow is a short day (summer hours) so I might have a bit more energy.

I get to meet one of my friends from CA for dinner tomorrow. She is in town visiting family and is making time in her busy schedule to say hello. I�m so looking forward to seeing her and catching up on all my friends at my old job. I miss that place so much.

Little by little I�ve added to this all day and now the day is done and I�m headed home.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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