It�s a long wait to the end of this day before the Holiday. Just like when I was in school and sitting in the last class of the day wondering if it would ever end so I could escape into what was left of the day. It�s not as though I have anything to do or any plans. I have no one to go home to since my Darling husband is on nights but still I desperately wish for the end of the day to arrive, cutting me free, so that I can go home and do absolutely nothing. That is by far the most outrageous change this pregnancy has wreaked on me. I am looking forward to dropping on the couch and not moving until it is time to sleep. How insane is that? I read about women who are incredibly active right up until their child is born, dancing, running, working out, raising their family and, many other forms of activity and here I am, in all my sluggery trying to figure out how I can get things done without actually moving. It wasn�t like this even a few weeks ago when I felt as though I needed to get out and about, walking, biking, anything to be moving. Now all I want to do is sit (well really lounge is a better word for what I am doing).

When My Darling asked what I wanted to do tomorrow I suggested we ride (bikes) or go for a hike. What I really want to do is absolutely nothing. That isn�t true really, I want to bike or hike, really I do but I know I will not enjoy it at all. It will be hard and I will feel tired and out of breath and when we get home I won�t be able to keep my eyes open. That is the problem. There is a disconnect between what I want to do and what I am able to do and I for one am not liking it.

9 more weeks.

All my reading has supported the idea that his is a difficult part of the pregnancy. You are tired and fat and dragging yourself around has taken it�s toll with the end of the tunnel still quite a ways off. Many women are depressed and frustrated at this point. They get cranky and difficult to be around. I don�t think I�m all that cranky but I am frustrated. Not knowing anything about the house decision and no indication of what the bank will say doesn�t help the situation. I think I might feel better right now if I had the nursery to work on or even a new house to clean and get ready. People don�t want me to do anything and I feel helpless because I�m not able to do anything, it�s a vicious circle that is wearing me down.

On the good news front, my parents are both coming, along with my niece and aunts to the baby shower. Also all but one of the ladies I work with, several of my waitress friends, all of my SIL and my mother-in-law so there should be a respectable number of people present.

I have also managed to imbibe almost a half a gallon of water which is an incredible accomplishment I assure you.

Well, I must get back to work or the end shall never arrive.

Enjoy the fourth!

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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