It�s never quiet. Even when you have the TV and radio off there is always sound interfering in your ability to sit quietly. The hum of the electronics battle with the refrigerator motor and the clicking from the laptop and I don�t even need to mention the sound of the keys being pounded by my less than skilled typing. I just want it to be quiet for gods sake�QUIET!!

Thumping up and down the stairs, washing machine filled with what, sneakers? I�m tired and I want to sleep but the noises won�t shut up. Somebody reached into my chest and squeezed my heart so bad it hurts to pump. The days blend together and the only thing I can feel is the tightness in my chest. I pretend, I smile and no one knows about the pain.

I�ll have medical soon but guess what? When I asked what the exclusions were she said nothing was excluded, oh, except mental health. Ain�t that grand? The one thing I need may not be covered. Do you think I need to talk to a shrink? Do you think someone could help me right now?

I miss my friends, they don�t call or write and I can�t even blame them because I left. This is all my fault, this pain I have. I did this to me. I would cry to my Marme but she would feel bad because I came �home� for her. When I feel like this I want to be held but my Darling is working. Maybe when he can hold me it will be better. I have to do something to get past this. He shouldn�t have to deal with this. My pain shouldn�t be his to bear.

Gotta keep moving, that�s the secret. Can�t stop long enough to think about it. Just keep going.

TGIF

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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