It�s the day before and I am trying to distract myself from the inevitable.

I watched the movie �What the bleep do we know?� last night. I had been told by co-workers, including my boss, that it would �change the way I look at the world�. I was curious if it would have any new information on physics, brain study and human interaction within this dimension.

I studied physics in reverse. By that I mean that I studied Quantum physics before Newtonian physics. Because I studied Theatre first and later Chemistry designed for the real workplace, I wasn�t introduced to physics in high school or college. I became fascinated with Quantum physics when I was introduced to it by a friend and began an amateur study of physics, brain neurochemistry, philosophy and religion. For almost ten years I studied these topics with a close friend at the time. She shared with me her personal quest for understanding our place in this universe and I was infected with her enthusiasm becoming deeply involved in these studies sharing the task of reading and receiving a great deal of insight from my friend. She was and is a genius and we had many a stimulating talk, by that I mean she talked, I learned and from time to time (according to her) offered an idea which sparked her to even greater insights.

I found myself eventually unable to talk to anyone else because I was wrapped up in our desire to understand the universe and everyone else seemed to want to talk about insignificant crap. When I lost touch with my friend I lost the only person in my life who shared the quest.

I hate to appear judgmental but the fact is I stopped exploring the topics above for exactly the reasons that returned to me last night. I watched the movie with my boyfriend who is a smart guy but firmly grounded in the Newtonian world of reality as a concrete actuality and not the gray mass of probabilities that Quantum physics suggests. Where I wanted to explore the same concepts and ideas put forth in the movie (no new info BTW) my boyfriend wanted to leave it all alone or over simplify things. Nobody wants to talk about such things (such quackery) so there is literally no one to talk to. Its funny how many people will talk to you about their belief in ghosts and aliens but suggest that reality might not be what we think and they all laugh at you.

I am not smart enough to be included in the real studies being pursued on college campuses so I am forced to read other peoples work and place the details of science, philosophy and religion in a context that I can work with. I wish for someone to bounce these ideas off.

I guess the reason I abandoned the study was because, without exchanging ideas, it is just a useless exercise. Knowledge will not grow in a vacuum. I have no interest in demonstrating �how smart I am� an attitude I have been accused of in the past. Actually I am remarkably stupid in many ways and it is only through persistence that anything sticks in my head at all. I have been privileged to know some true geniuses and frankly I can barely keep up most of the time. Generally I am forced to stop them over and over again asking question after question until I understand. Thank goodness for their patience with me or I would have not learned as much as I did.

Now that my world has gotten small and there are no people of super intelligence and patience in my life I have simply stopped questing and I content myself with learning about the things that people around me know. For example my boyfriend knows a lot about mountain bikes. I am learning that along with the information required for my job (I am still in the first year of my position so I am learning a lot about the general science of what I do along with the �company way� in which to do it).

I wish sometimes that I knew really smart people like when I was younger. They are exciting creatures, mercurial and in some ways helplessly driven by their minds.

There was a time when I had a thirst to know but that time has passed and now I simply don�t care.

Knowing the answer won�t change my world a bit. Reality is like a mob, it is driven by the masses.

One or two innovative minds can no more alter reality then a few sane voices can turn a mob. Until a larger slice of humanity grasps the quantum world view we will be imprisoned in this group consciousness.

Humans will never bend the spoon until they understand and truly believe �there is no spoon�.

And still I have to have surgery tomorrow, damn.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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