I have been spending time exercising my skill with written words for the past couple of days and totally neglecting my diary (which is of course just as I suspected I would be.) I am excited and optimistic because as I practice I am finding that the characters are in fact coming out to tell their own story. Surprisingly it is the antagonist who seems to be most represented in the practice sessions. I would have thought the protagonist (unabashedly based on yours truely though presented as more of a beauty that I myself can claim) would have dominated but the villian will not sit quietly and wait for his turn. He has waited long enough it seems.

My life is running ahead of me again and I feel like I am racing to catch up. This feeling in the past has led to a desire to dissappear from the earth and a desent into the spiraling pit of darkness. Have you ever panicked while swimming, or almost drowned? There is that feeling of being out of control, gasping, flailing around for some stable surface, some solid handhold and finding nothing. That is the feeling.

I was instant messaging my boyfriend earlier and asked "is anyone out there?". The truth, for me, is that I feel alone no matter where I am. I have a friend who seeks to drag me to events filled with people and does not understand my reluctance. The more people around the more isolated and alone I feel. It wasn't always this way, I used to love people but now all I want is to be left alone. Perhaps the writers life is for me, locked away with my characters, where I can feel at home and in good company. They are real to me in a way that people are not for I created them and I know what they are thinking, always.

Have I crossed over?

I wish you Peace

~alison~

�