It is early on a Tuesday morning. Ordinarily I would be at work right now making coffee and checking my e-mail. Instead I am sitting in my RV right now trying hard not to get cat hair on my clothing because today I go to court. Day by day I have worked my way closer to this date. I have no idea what to expect from my soon to be ex (not soon enough if you ask me). A lot has changed in both of our lives if I understand things correctly.

I have, as of yesterday, celebrated 9 months of sobriety. Like smoking before it, giving up alcohol has had an incredible effect on my life. As of Sunday I have been separated 8 months. On the 15 I will have been seeing my boyfriend for 5 months (how time flies when you are happy). Generally I am happy; it is only the action of packing up my old life and the nuts and bolts of this divorce that keeps me from simply enjoying the love that has landed in my lap. What began as a pleasant casual relationship has grown into a true loving one. I can't hold him at arms length anymore, and frankly I don't want to.

My ex is still living with his "friend" the woman I had nothing to fear from because he was not having an affair she was just a friend. Other than a few phone calls (some drunken, others threatening, all from her) I have had no direct contact with them. I have, however, had the pleasure of tracking their actions through third parties whose well meaning sharing has made it difficult for me to distance myself completely from his life. He is employed now (she can't support him like I did) and they have had to stop drinking due to money issues. I have reconciled myself to the chance of running into them in places I never expected to find them because of this. This means I have no idea what the hearing today will present. Depending on how not drinking affects the two of them; it could be reasonable or very unreasonable. Paperwork has not been filed as required so they may decide to skip it altogether.

No matter what happens I have so much to be thankful for. I have good friends who will talk to me if I need to talk even when they are "feeling bitchy". I have a man in my life that will hold me and tell me everything will be alright. (I would survive without, I am a strong woman, but it is nice to have after so many years of nothing in the way of emotional support.) I am in love despite my best efforts to remain aloof and I will be patient and righteous and have a little faith in the system. Worst case scenario I lose all my stuff. I have me, my dedication, my strength and my heart and that is more than I could hope for.

Wish me luck today, I would like to win anyway, but win lose or draw I will survive.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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