So evidently it is time for me to suck as a Mom. My son says two boys have told him they don't want to sit with him on the bus. Now I figure they are older and he can be annoying so I told him as long as he didn't do anything mean to them that he should apologize for then he should just assume they don't like him and sit somewhere else. Now I know he doesn't have a lot of control of where he sits on the bus, in fact I am not sure if the bus driver tells them where to sit so I mentioned to the driver what the kid told me and asked that he sit somewhere else. The driver then makes him point out the kids (great) and then tells him to sit somewhere else but close to the front. I had hoped he would say, "well sit somewhere different but close to the front" without making him point the kids out. I never rode the bus but I have heard stories of drivers having seating plans like teachers so how am I supposed to know how liberal this guy is? I tell My Darling who then tells me I shouldn't have done that, that if the kids were picking on him it will get worse. I know this, I started out with I was unhappy about how it went and that I knew it was bad and I shouldn't have done it but then he kept going. I understand he doesn't want his kid to have one of "those" mothers and I am of course terribly socially inept. In any given situation I will always do the wrong thing, it's innate.

Oh and more good news, the job I had hoped to get in October has pretty much fallen through. All the "we are going to hire you" and "we don't even need to interview" has changed to "well we have to post internally first and then you will need to apply all over" oh and also the job is midnights now since the midnight guy wants to work days now. so we will have to turn our world upside down to make it happen, if we can even swing it. The there is the very real possibility they will not hire me. I missed out on the two jobs in the other building, they didn't like me at all. It was strange that they liked me at the lab I worked in, I seem to be very good at turning people off.

And it seems that I can't stop crying this morning. I can'r wait tables forever, I need a job that uses the degree I worked so hard for. I can't hold my emotions in check in the crazy restaurant business, it's too hard. It is hard enough staying in control everywhere else, but waiting is so hard. It's funny, I knew this was going to happen, I said it all along but even so I had a glimmer of hope and that was my mistake, I should have just counted the job out and moved on. I guess I need to change my search and look for anything I can find that is 9-5.

My stomach hurts.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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