Now there are so many days between my post I completely forget about what I last spewed on about. This past week was both good and bad, which is about on par with everyone else I suppose. My workdays were fine, didn't make lots of money but anytime I do better than 20% of my sales I call it good.

Then, Wed, on my way to my therapist appointment I get a call from them saying she called in sick. OK, so I am disappointed, I live far enough away and I am the first appointment so I am almost there when they call. That sucked. I got to have breakfast with My Darling, which was nice, but I guess I didn't realize how much I liked (read needed) these visits until I missed one. Picked up Baby Boy early (I suppose I should begin referring to him with a different nickname as he is no longer a baby and despite denials otherwise someone thinks it is a terrible thing for me to do.) Sooo, the kid and I saw a sign for one of those get your car seat checked inspections and since we had issues installing the seat using the latch system in our new car I thought what the hey, be nice to know for sure we got it right this time. It turns out we did. Yay! Also, the car seat check was part of a safety health day being offered and we were also treated to a new bike safety helmet for the kid, a cholesterol check, BP and skin cancer check (for Mommy).

Thursday was a challenge, The kid is only two weeks shy of three but all terrible twos. Between his refusal to potty train and new founded (said with crossed arms) NO! I am not enjoying this part of parenting. It is so important to stay firm at this point so the battles don't continue but it is hard to stand strong when it feels like you are always disciplining. After a particular long session the kid and I spent the next hour digging in the sand building the great wall of China. If you ask me the sandbox is a great success. I could dig down pretty far and didn't hit bottom. The sand is wet enough to build with, Great fun.

Friday we spent with Thomas. The train ride was nice (a little cool) the kid was happy and we managed to squeeze in a blueberry festival after.

Saturday was a bad day for me. I forgot the plan for breakfast, left the burner on the stove after I finished making breakfast and forgot to lock the chicken coop the night before. I went back to bed and stayed there until it was time to go bowling for fund raising. After bowling came shopping and then home for late dinner and a movie.

Just a chronicle of events but here's the thing. I am disturbed by the things I am forgetting still. I am bothered by my distraction. I am fearful of what I am becoming and what it means that I am so thoughtless. Good and bad above and I love the good stuff I do, but the lapses are making me crazy and no one can really offer me any solace. There doesn't appear to be any solution to the problem, hell I can barely get anyone to see there is a problem. Slowly but surely I am losing my capabilities and the doctors say there is nothing wrong with me other than the Bipolar and maybe perimenopause. So whats with this then? Why am I so incompetent? I'm not happy about this.

Oh, and two more weeks till B-Day.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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