So I missed a day, call it processing time. My Therapy session was Tuesday and frankly I suck at putting anything down the day I dump it all out.

The important take away.

I am to continue to write every day.

AND

I need to work on my book. Of course she is all sorts of impressed with the whole "I wrote a book" thing even though I explained that 50,000 words is hardly a book and lots of people apply words to paper, doesn't make me a writer. Am I squashing a dream before I have a chance to fail again or am I just a realist? Doesn't matter at this point. I promised I would work on it with an eye towards putting it out there to sink or swim.

AND

Vacation coming up and I am getting the tightening chest deep stomach ache nerves that always accompany these things. I get torn up with fear. Fear that I will forget something, lose something, ruin something, crap, crap, crap. Can't ever seem to enjoy anything free and clear.

AND

WHY OH WHY

can I never ever explain anything ever in a way that is clear and concise. Seems as though I think sometimes that I am perfectly clear and then there it is, that blank look and even worse, the pinched brows, that tell me no, yet again you have done the opposite of clarify. You have thrown enough muddle into the description to make it incomprehensible. I used to be able to draw an adequate picture with my words but lately it seems I could randomly tear pages from a dictionary and be better understood.

AND

Now it is 9:30, way past when I should be in bed and I still have to make lunch (breakfast) and check the chickens.

AND

I suck

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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