Things are, for lack of a better word, crap. Not that anything is really wrong, other than me. I am wrong. On a swing My Darling calls it. Sounds almost fun doesn�t it? It�s anything but though. The hardest part about this now is the rarity of this deep a hole. I do regularly get feeling low but it�s normally short lived and the depth of the emotional dip is so much less than anything before medication. This is different. I am long gone beyond any slight run around the bend. I am having trouble enjoying anything.

There are a lot of brands in the fire right now. We are pushing to finish the hardwood (bamboo) flooring of the first floor and tiling the front entryway, � bath and garage entry before the big birthday bash (Baby Boy will be 1 year old in less than two months). There is so much to do to get the place presentable. My Darling seems able to accomplish with ease tasks that would be Herculean for me. Everything seems very hard and my brain hurts most of the time.

On the good side I have started teaching Karate again. It�s a small class of four with only two so far having shown up but I would take the time to teach one interested student. It makes me feel good and other than My Darling and Baby Boy, nothing else does.

The emotional storm hovers on the horizon and I have yet to determine if it will come my way, go round or just dissipate. I know I am having trouble getting things done. After announcing my intent to work on a writing career I am now mired in so many other tasks which hold precedence. As it always seems there is no time left after daily chores are done. Then there is work, always challenging although not too bad lately. I was employee of the month in April and no one told me. They just installed my name on the plaque and I get a shirt woohoo (but I�m so needy I am pleased even though I must poopoo it at work).

I want to be happy, I do, I just wake up every day feeling sad and dreading getting out of bed to face another day.

I don�t want to go to school today�cough.

*sigh*

Baby Boy needs me, as does My Darling and all the other folks who depend on me so off I must go.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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