Readying myself for my first trip with my new sweetheart I find that I am both nervous and excited. Unlike the last few trips with my ex (where I knew there would be lots of complaining and blame assigned to me for all wrongs) I think that it will be a pleasent trip. I will have the opportunity to see a lot of northern California (and some coastline) not to meantion the possibility of meeting a very good friend who has inspired me a great deal since our virtual meeting last year. I still fear the cropping up of my old habits which has plagued me since my break up with my husband. It seems that I am slapped at the most inopportune times (as if there is an opportune time to be slapped) with a latent behavior originally developed to cope with my growing disfunctional marriage now niether necessary nor productive. I am taking the time this morning to think about what I can do to avoid the pits that lie in my mind and personality.

1). It is not my fault. This is a big one for me. I take the responsibility (and feel bad) for everything that goes wrong along the way. Nine times out of ten it is not my fault.

2) I will not apologize unless it is my fault. When I have the impulse to apologize I will instead smile and say "yeah, right".

3) I will remember that this is a trip for pleasure and not get caught up in doing everything right (I am not perfect and I shouldn't expect to not make mistakes)

4) I will not allow poor thinking to steal the enjoyment out of things. I can choose how I feel. This weekend I choose to be happy.

5) I will write something everyday. Doesn't matter if it is my thoughts, a word picture, poetry or prose. Literary expression is the key to understanding my existance but I sometime forget and so the words whirl around in my head making it difficult for me to focus on what really matters.

6) I will remember what really matters.

PS. For those people who found my presence so offensive yesterday I say you always have the right to say what you feel and associate with whomever you choose but so do I and I choose other company. Thank you Elgan for your words.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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