It�s Sold!!!

As of tomorrow morning 9 am when the check the buyer gave me clears and I turn over the title I will be rid of the last piece of my last incarnation.

It has occurred to me lately that I do not feel as though I have lead one life continuous from my birth to this moment. Instead I have a sense of having lived multiple lives separate and distinct. While I have been in attendance through out, I have not been the same person on the outside that I am on the inside. In fact there is a quality of being on the outside looking in, not only in life but within my own experience. I have a vision of a child with his face pressed against the glass wondering when they will be invited into the party. Mind you now, I realize that this impression is of my own making. I have always been invited and it only my own perception that keeps me out.

Why, you ask, to I wax philosophical (well maybe you don�t ask, you are all smart folks and probably see things about me sooner than I do)? I think that I am about to come out of my chrysalis. I have been changing these past two years and I am ready to spread my wings. I never would have thought of moving to a Podunk town and starting a family as �spreading my wings�. I thought I would act, sing or dance my way into my place in the world. Burn brightly and die quickly, all that crap. When it all fell down (actually it never rose in the first place) I was content to chemically twiddle my thumbs until such time as I was done with this exercise in futility. Now I�m all excited about being normal (well as normal I can be). It will be fun to see if I can blend in.

Can you see me the soccer Mom? I might join the PTA (it�s in my name). Do you suppose I will live yuppieville or maybe hang out with the rednecks. Square peg � round hole and yet I seem to fit anyway. People are just people.

The house is barren except for the boxes stacked against the walls. Spread around the house it seems like way too much stuff to fit into the small trailer we arranged for. I know these things are deceptive having moved repeatedly before my RVing days. We will fit what we can and what is left will be um, left.

California here I go right back where I started from. I am putting together two lists. One is the things I will miss (read think of fondly in my old age) and the other is things I am looking forward to. I�ll post when I have them somewhat complete (I imagine things will occur to me after I post but I will be as complete as I can). Of course this is for my benefit and you may feel free to skip those entries if you like.

Oh, I forgot, I didn�t get as much for the RV as I had been previously offered at the highest bid (actually I got about half) but it went to a nice couple who look like they will enjoy it and could never have afforded anything that nice and big (flaws and all). I was honest (mostly) and I feel good about it. I actually didn�t like the two men who offered much more and although I am still kicking myself a little (I wouldn�t have turned it down for that I really expected to get a higher bid) I like the idea of it being enjoyed by this family.

This kind of thing always makes me think of Karma. I don�t believe in Karma. I just don�t see people getting what they deserve often enough good or bad to buy into it completely but when this feeling comes over me the word Karma always pops into my head. Of course if there really was such a thing I would think I am more than overdue for a little positive Karma, don�t you? Then again it is SOLD!!

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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