The midnight oil burns, as it often does when big changes are in the offing. I'm thinking about so many things. My folks have expressed some concern over the size of the rooms we have picked out for them. I knew in advance the bedroom was small but we had planned from the beginning to solve that problem toot sweet after we close. Our goal it to move the folks n right away and follow as soon as we sell our home. But as soon as we take possession of the house we will begin renovating the rooms to turn the bedroom into a master. By taking the fifth bedroom and dividing it between the bedroom and a master bath we would both increase the size of the bedroom and provide a convenient bathroom. My parents, much as most older folks visit the bathroom in the middle of the night and there is no way I want them shuffling out to the main bath so far away from their bedroom for long. I don't want to underestimate the task but once we figure out just what we want in layout it really shouldn't be too bad a remodel. The room will still be a little narrow when we are done but we will add 3 or more feet to the bedroom along with a walk in closet, There will be a handicap accessible bathroom and hopefully it will be pleasing to my mother. My father will be fine with the basics but Marme needs the vanity to work for her. If this ia done right not only will my folks be happy but it could also add to the value of the home. Over the next decade I am certain there will be more people in my situation, caring for parents while still raising a family. The sandwich generation, so they have dubbed us.

The future will return to the past. We continue to lose ground in the workplace, everyone working harder for less and losing ground on the retirement options as well. I am sorry to be in the generation who will probably not see our children do better than we did. The only thing that may be a silver ling is the return of the multi-generational household. This common place situation pre WW2 is creeping back on us. The elders living with the children and grandchildren offering the wisdom of their many years. It may be difficult to hold your own in areas where you do not share a viewpoint but it can be useful to hear another perspective.

But what of the in-law intrusion? My Darling knows intellectually the challenges that may develop I am not sure he has a grip on the emotional consequences. At least he has the Marine Corp Marathon to train and look forward to. He will get both stress reduction and escape. I, on the other hand, have no escape. No escape from their deeply held religious views, views neither I nor My Darling share. Like it or not I can not embrace the myth of their faith. I believe strongly in the moral imperative brought with our intellect. I can not convince people of faith that my morals are as strong and true as theirs despite my lack of religion. I think my father believes my religious upbringing is responsible for my moral compass. I believe that my parents created a moral home but it is my understanding of the human condition, my empathy and subsequent compassion that drives my moral view. I can not help but forgive most "sins" based on an complex understanding of psychology, philosophy and physics. There are no simple answers to the complex questions and as a scientist I don't need answers so much as I need to keep looking for them. And as a scientist I am also gathering more information and evidence in order it determine the path forward. What I knew yesterday may not be what I know today. I don't share the popular belief that "scientist can't make up their minds" they instead don't "make up their minds". Their minds are always open, once you make up your mind you are lost.

That being said I must consider what my parents offer and walk the tight rope between the truth I have identified and that truth they hold while both living the life I want my son to emulate and insulating him from the myths that lead to condemnation where their should be compassion. They are both kind and compassionate despite the religious bent that leads so many people down the road to judgment and discrimination.

Now that I have let go of my worries on this page I am back to bed to try and get a few more hours of sleep before I have to get up and start another day.

g'night

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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