I don't feel well. Between the runny nose, stuffy head and sore throat sleeping is almost impossible. I know my Darling hates when I don't sleep, in part because he doesn't sleep well when I am not there and also because he feels bad for me. I would like to be in bed but I know I would be blowing my nose sniffing and tossing around trying to get comfortable which is likely to disturb his sleep more than me being gone. I did take some antihistamine, analgesic and throat spray but I still feel pretty lousy.

Tomorrow the kid goes to get his hearing checked. The appointment is earlyish and I am unhappy about the potential for me to feel sleepy and sick. I am still unsure if it is necessary. My Darling even recommended I cancel since the kid is have fewer huh? moments than he was having when I originally made the appointment. I am hoping the cost is worth it. In classical health insurance fashion I won't know exactly how much it will cost over/above the copay. Probably come out normal. It will be nice information but maybe not worth the price.

The weekend MUST bring the bathroom finishing to a close. I would call it a remodel but really all we are doing is finishing what we started when we moved in. All the existing fixtures will still be there except the resister, light switch covers and overhead lights. It will look better but hardly worth the title "remodel". I am not looking forward to the work. I am afraid I will still feel bad on Saturday and being sick just will not due. Neither I nor my Darling will be able to manage another week of bathroom upset. My Darling doesn't handle that kind of thing well and even I am growing tired of trudging to the spare room for bathroom related things removed for painting purposes. It's all too inconvenient for all of us. Oh, and the oil needs to be changed in the minivan. While I am at it I very much want to clean the inside and the kids car-seat before I attract mice with all the crumbs hiding in the creases. I know it sounds gross and I assure you I have cleaned the thing more regularly than I have lately but every week I seem to have less time than I need to accomplish these necessary tasks in addition to the standard grocery shopping, laundry and general house keeping despite my laxness in overall cleanliness. Not dirty but certainly not pristine. Not as clean as I would like but not so embarrassing that a random dropin would leave me blushing in shame. Lucky for me I have no friends. The kid has one though and play dates might get embarrassing if I don't stay on top of things to make time for these bigger projects. My Darling seems to do well with his projects finding time to complete them as well as rest and run. I have done neither. Rest comes when I am sick which has happened to frequently lately (I am sure My Darling would say I am working too much, compromising my immune system. I am sure of this because he has in fact suggested it. He is mad at me, and sad for me which makes him less supportive sometimes. He is also right I think.

It is strange how you can be frustrated and sometime exasperated with someone you love and never stop loving them, not for a minute. In the part I had lost my love and had to force myself to tolerate my Ex by with My Darling, no matter how mad I get I really don't ever lose sight of my love for him. I really feel what I try and teach my son. Being mad at someone doesn't mean you don't love them and just because someone is mad at you it doesn't mean they don't love you. It is an hugely important part of teaching a child about conflict resolution and maybe prevent overly pleasing behavior. The need to "make" people like you all the time and viewing natural anger as rejection. Of course not everyone who gets mad at you will continue to love or like you but for those people it is important to realize that not everyone will like you and that is ok. No matter how much of an outcast one might be there is a social circle for them. Jocks, pretty girls and such aren't the only clicks, there are geeks, smarties, burnouts and bad boys/girls. There are few, if any, loner outcast. So children find a place where they feel accepted and they settle in and grow up. He will have friends, I did and I was an outcast. I am still a bit of an outcast but now it is probably of my own making. I continue to feel uncomfortable around people, even my friends, even my best friend, because I just don't see what they see in me. It makes me feel pitiful and I think from the outside I appear to be seeking attention, heck I think about people reading, even to go so far as to solicit readers among readers. It's a little sad but it is who I am. Like everyone else I want to feel connected to people. I would like to know I might be missed by more than a few people. Definitely attention seeking I think.

Well, this attention seeking foll is headed off to bed hoping I can stifle the need to blow, sniff, cough or move and thus avoiding disturbing my Darling.. He needs his sleep as much, if not more, than I.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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