And there they go, eleven days. I don't even remember my last post, how is that for pitiful. I have been caught up in the news (don't get me started), my work (more responsibility, less pay I think but none the less, interesting) and my financial woes.

I will skip the first because I could go on and on and never get to the rest if I let myself.

My work has instituted a f@mily Night. This involves mini crafts designed to occupy and entertain the kids in the brief time between when they order and the food shows up. I will develop, set up and run the night. The ideas are not too hard to come up with at the moment (see me a few months from now to determine if I can keep it up) and with a little bit of a budget I should be able to pull it together. I just have to remember to insist on being paid for my time. They are so used to sending managers out for this and that without concern for hours since they are all salaried but me, I'm hourly and I need to make them pay me for shopping and working on media. I don't mind working the media on my home computer but I want to be paid for my time. I don't think that is unreasonable. The whole thing starts this week so I will let you know how it goes.

Financially things are sketchy. My Darling works hard and comes close to covering everything, no mean feat in these days of the shrinking middle class. Me, on the other hand, earn next to nothing compared to years gone by and month by month it seems as though there is no end in sight. Not getting the job last month still sits hard on my heart and though the fall may seem years away, it will creep up, I know, and I must be situated for sending the kid off to pre-k. I would like to be able to shop at the thrift store without a budget. I know that no one can just buy what they want (well mostly no one, there are those who couldn't spend all their money if they tried) but geesh, the thrift store? I can't afford the thrift store? Every winter the propane bills eat a little more of our savings and I feel insecure about the future. I was always nervous about bringing a child into the world and that was before all the recent fun (thank goodness he is a boy, girl children are facing an uphill battle right now.) Even as the economy crawls up from the rubble so many of us are still digging, and look as though we might spend the rest of our lives digging. The future is pretty daunting at the moment, I am not always sure I am up for the task.

It's amazing how money buys piece of mind. Knowing there is a little set away for a rainy day helps keep the anxiety disorder away. OK, not really, I understand no amount of security keeps away mental illness but I know that my mental illness is exacerbated by the stressors in my life and money, well the lack thereof really, is a biggie.

I ran last week. It was warm enough for me to put my feet to pavement and although I only did two miles (I figured I would start small) it felt good to just do something like that. I felt like winter might just be over. Not that we had much of a winter this year but for me, cold and very very cold are not too much different. Either way I am trapped inside. I go from the house to the car in the garage and from the car to work or store or school, and then back to the car, garage and house. Doesn't matter if it is 40 degrees or 4, still no sunshine and no warmth (outside of the tanning bed that is).

But soon, oh so soon, the thermometer will tick up and before you know it it will be warm, even hot. Of course I can't relax because fall is coming and everything in my life must change, ugh.

I don't want to think about it to much. Today I just want to do a little laundry, vacuuming and no obsessing about tomorrow.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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