Well I'm finding time to post but it seems to be in the middle of the night. Yes I know it is only a little after 10 by when you get up at 4:30 in the morning it is the middle of the night. Of course *I* don't get up at 4:30 My Darling does, but we go to bed together and that means we head to bed shortly after the boy. Some nights he stays up with me till after 9:30 but it isn't good for him and I hate to see him sleep deprived. It is hard for me to get to sleep so early. Maybe it would be easier if I got up at 4:30 with him. I tried it for a while but I can't do it on the days I work swing because it means I am up 6 hours before I go to work a ten hour shift...waiting tables...not exactly something you want to head into tired. There is no solution to this problem; I must simply walk the tightrope between too late for him and too early for me. That or I go to bed with him till he falls asleep and then have an hour or so with my computer. *sigh*

We had school conference today, good things mostly. He is a kind and friendly child (expected) a little thrown by the routine (wants to play) but is settling in to the pattern. He is (as we knew) behind in his counting, number and letter recognition and still can't write his name (our fault for giving him a very long name, one he couldn't even say for the longest time, let alone spell.) But he is trying to write his name and even asking us to help him as opposed to the previous when he would refuse to even try. They like him and feel that he is a very pleasant child (suckers).

The beast of a four year old, who saved up his terrible twos and rebellious threes in order to torture us through the fours, makes nice at school. At home we are treated to lots of "I don't want too"s and "NOooo"s and "I don't like you anymore Mommy, I like Daddy"s and its reverse. Of course he still sits in time out despite his desire not to. He sets and/or clears the table and any other chore he is supposed to do under threat of time out or loss of book. And Mommy and Daddy tell him that they love him whether he likes us or not.

When he is happy he will tell you "you are my best". He like hugs and kisses, dinosaur rides (especially crawling dinosaur rides, performed only once and somehow precious and fantastical due to its rarity). There are dinosaurs kisses, nose kisses, duck kisses and butterfly kisses all doled out plentifully. And all sorts of hugs, long firm hugs that let him know that he is safe and loved. I am hoping that it will offset anything lacking in our parenting.

As for me, I am trying really hard not to be afraid for him. I tell myself my parents had the Cuban missile crisis, the Vietnam War and the cold war. They raised a family in the shadow of our ability to destroy the world, a danger that is still there but somehow pushed into the deepest shadows, an unreal possibility. They managed to push that out of their minds and concentrate on what they could control to some extent, their family. Things were not any easier back then despite the far rights longing. But now, it is so hard for me not to be frightened for his future. I am worried that we are headed to revolution or at the very least a governmental crackdown and a loss of even the semblance of freedom. The worst part is so many of the majority who have been taken advantage of still stand in defense of those who would see them pushed into the streets if it meant putting one more coin into their coffers. There are people who have so much money it has lost any meaning to them as they spend more money in a day than others make in a year. The others are not poor for lack of hard work, not out of laziness but because they have never, nor will they ever, have the advantages that so many upper crustees take for granted. The privileged few who maintain a sense that they have more value than the rest of us. The non-product creators, the non-service providers, the non-job creators (because every person educated in free market economics understands that the only thing that creates jobs is demand) still believe that they deserve to suck all the air out of the room.

There is a new movie that paints the problem in stark relief. If the rich could buy immortality they would covet that as well and the poor would live short lives of desperation while the rich would live forever all the while considering this the right and true way it should be.

I have heard it in response to so many articles about OWS. Everyone protesting is just a lazy bottom feeder who doesn't deserve to live. People have suggested using real ammunition instead of rubber bullets (really even rubber bullets seems like over kill for a little protesting), squashing the rebellion and removing the last vestiges of protection people have from becoming actual corporate slaves. None of these people will ever be part of the 1%, I wager they don't even have a chance at the 20%. Most of them are probably only part of the 53% because there are so many poor and the rich don't have to pay taxes like the rest of us.

But are we actually on the brink of revolution or will it, some day in the future, be view in retrospect as just another "cold war" scenario? Will the pendulum swing harmlessly to the left and equalize? Will my son enjoy the prosperity that comes from abandoning the corporatocracy and embracing a more temperate system?

How much should I fear? Keep in mind I have trouble with the right size emotions. Normal people have anxiety I have mind numbing fear. And it's Christmas, I want to feel peace and goodwill, but I know even now, in fact especially now, the vultures are feeding.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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