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2011-11-22 - 6:54 a.m.

Welcome to stupid o'clock in the morning. Ok it isn't even close to the redunkulous time My Darling has to get up for work but it wasn't too long after it that I was awakened by yet another nightmare. This time I had the pleasure of an alien invasion/world ending meteor. My escape from such was complicated by the fact that I didn't have my level headed, survival wired, Marine husband with me but instead I was burdened by my useless ex who, as usual was of no help at all and required me to carry the entire weight of our escape. Upside was there was no kid to complicate things. The impending doom is bad enough without the thought of my son never reaching adulthood. Not that it didn't cross my mind after I woke up.

My Darling thinks I need to distract myself from the news of the day with fluffier, nicer stories on the computer. He is probably right. Although it feels a little ostrich like (of course head in the sand ostrich is actually not true, poor science that one) I am not able to keep life in the correct perspective. My emotions tend to run bigger than they should. I wish I could be more rational. It is frustrating to know that what my brain tells me to feel isn't at all in proportion to reality.

Until I find some stable bit of time I will continue to feel off kilter. Of course it doesn't help that we are heading into the dim of winter. I would say dark but the sun does shine it is just dimmed so much. The holidays will soften the next month or so but when January sets in it will be a long hard slog to spring.

I can't let my mind drift ahead of myself or I will create the very problem I try and avoid every year.

I think it is funny they call it SAD. Those shrinks do have a sense of humor now don't they? Mine is so very upbeat and smiling I sometimes feel bad in comparison even when I am feeling quite good. Not to fault him, he is great, works well with me, but I already feel distant from most peoples normal and here he is all bubbly and such.

And I sit in my living room trying not to see the treadmill in the corner, there for me to run or even walk on the stave off depression. I want to exercise but it is so much easier when the sun is shining. Of course with my mood elevated everything is easier. I am taking my running clothes with me to my family Thanksgiving. Maybe I can drive myself out if only to reminisce about old times and the beginning of my running.

Well, off to find some fluff to lighten my mood a bit. I will head off to work in a bit but it is the last day till after the holiday so I just need to put my head down and grunt my way through it.

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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- - 2013-08-16

Darkness - 2013-04-18

Too much - 2013-04-09

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