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2011-03-10 - 6:00 p.m.

I have been avoiding this place. Well, I have been reading all my favs but leaving my few readers in the dark as the true life adventures of alice the goon. OK, maybe I'm not really a goon so much as a bit awkward and never quite as confident as I once was prior to the nullifying medications that removed the heights from my reach. I used to believe I could write poetry, stories and even paint a bit. I spent my time reading, playing around with words, and multiple art media. I have brought said media and writings to my therapist who dutifully cheers me on unaware of the true problem. I just don't connect with that part of me that wrote and painted and drew. Honestly I can't even remember if I have opined about this here or not but there it is, what is occupying my thoughts. Not all my thoughts, I have also been sucked into the swirling storm that is crossing our country and I can't decide if I am over reacting or severely under reacting. I am afraid, really afraid. I get physically ill when I think of the ramifications of the current goings on and how they will affect my Little boy and the delicate family I have had the privilege of sharing with My Darling.

We joke about the apocalypse, but somewhere deep down I feel like I shouldn't ignore the possibility. But then again, what separates me from all those conspiracy nuts and the people who once dug holes in their backyard to ride out the nuclear war? When do you know you have crossed into paranoia?

Seriously, back when Hitler was promising Germans that they would rise to their rightful place and the people were looking with disdain on the Jews who seemed to control and inordinate amount of wealth (not really, they were just painted that way, kinda like the unions). They were going to take back their country from the immigrants and the Jews. Germans citizens were better than the lazy poles and the rest of the European losers they were told, they should take back their country. Now I'm not one who casually uses the Hitler/Nazi Germany analogy but when do you know when you have crossed over from bully patriotism to string them up as traitors? When should you start to worry about where the people put out of their homes are going?

When does the smoke in the distance mean something more than just a house on fire?

I don't know where the line is. Years ago I would have told you the rich would never destroy the middle class because of it's usefulness as a buffer against the unwashed poor. Now I am not so sure. I am afraid that they have decided that they are strong enough to do as they please. They break contracts, make power grabs and allow (encourage even) folks to tell lies to push through power grabbing legislation all the while giving away tax cut after tax cut (except for the elderly and low income workers, they have a free ride too long, they need to pay their own way). No matter how you view the happening you have to come down on one of two sides.

1) We need to trust that the government and the corporations know better than us and we should just allow them to take care of those of us that deserve it while getting rid of the people who are ruining this country. Oh, and hope you fall on the side of deserving.

2) You are scared out of your freaking mind.

There may be some people sitting on the fence but that leaves you at least temporarily trusting your government and identifying with option one.

All this makes me want to:

A. Stick my head in the ground and wait for it to be over.

or

B. Start gathering some supplies and picking out an escape route.

Yeah, crossing over into paranoia land and not liking it one bit. But what if I'm right?

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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Darkness - 2013-04-18

Too much - 2013-04-09

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