I'm sad, my female reproductive system isn't cooperating. In fact, it is screwing around quite painfully.

Today I am going to go to the local thrift shop and find long sleeve shirts for my son. Someday he will be appalled and refuse to wear used clothing but for now he could care less. I think he looks the same as the kids he hangs with, even dresses as well as the cousins whose mother insists clothing (preferably gift cards) come from specific high end stores only or come with gift receipts so she can return them for appropriate clothes. It shouldn't upset me, it's her thing but it makes me feel, I don't know, poor. I am poor though. My husband provides well for us and we do not want for anything we need but I am poor, without him we would be at the mercy of his or my family, I couldn't take care of us. This upsets me. I have note been dependent like this since I was 25 and had to move back to my parents because I couldn't support myself. Eight months later I was in my own home, taking care of myself and I continued through my first marriage and until we moved to MI. Now I can't always cover the groceries let alone any other bills. Next week I need to pay my credit card bill. There isn't that much left, we will be completely out of debt soon but it would be a lot sooner if I made enough money to over pay the bill like I used to. Now I struggle to make the minimum. I guess that is the problem. My SIL needs things to come from high end stores or her children can't wear them and I need to shop at the thrift store or I can't dress my son nice. I am poor and I don't like it. Worse than that I am not really poor and have no right to feel that way. In this economy there are folks trying to figure out how they will feed their children and keep a roof over their head. I am not poor and I guess I don't like feeling that way. It's not her fault, I do it to myself. I make my own feelings, I wish that knowledge would help me to dismiss that feeling for what it is, feeling sorry for myself.

OK, got that off my chest, out to find some nice stuff for the boy. Might even see if I can snag something for myself.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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