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2010-07-25 - 11:10 a.m.

I got my dojo. After a final push I just got the last of the stuff up and out of the way, down came the carpet (thanks to My Darling) and there it was. My Darling also hung the heavy bag (his, which is heavier than mine but it will be fine). I also got the treadmill my parents gave me running. It was missing the safety key but I McGyvered it and was off and running (run/walking that is.) Now I know it is summertime and I could just head out on the road but there is the small child to deal with. We invested in a jogger and I have used it but I don't like running with the jogger. First of all, pushing the jogger throws off my rhythm and second, the child starts asking questions.

Child: "What are you doing Mommy?."

Me: Running"

Child: "Why?"

Me: "Because Mommy likes the way she feels after a run"

Child: "Why?"

Me: "Because it feels good, you like to feel good right?"

Child: "Yes."

Pause...

Child: "What are you doing Mommy?"

and so on, and so on in a never ending circle. All I want is some child free, responsibility free, mindless slapping of feet on pavement. In lieu of that I can get up before the child and run on the treadmill. It's not a satisfying but it is something. That coupled with a regular karate workout should go a little ways in removing the ring of fat encircling my midsection. I need to move more, lots more, for winter is coming, it's right around the bend, and I will blow up to a roly poly if I don't get things under control now.

I have begun gathering the party supplies for the child's birthday. Baby Boy will be three in September and I know it will arrive quickly. My entire family will descend on my home in all their dysfunctional splendor. They are far more outwardly strange than my Darlings family and the contrast is stunning. Like cartoon characters walking around with regular people. Seriously...

My Parents seem normal until Dad breaks into song, he has one for every occasion. In my home growing up, everything was a song cue. I lived in my very own musical. My Darling has never understood musicals, he thinks they are strange, this makes my family surreal to him. My Mom sticks her foot in her mouth regularly and is the butt of all jokes which may lead to much laughter or tears depending on where her mood is at any given moment.

My Older brother carries on the musical format but adds movie and theatrical trivia and a passion for Renaissance Fairs (which e attends in full, traditional costume). He also smells a bit. He and my father are quite large, both in stature and girth but while my father's grooming is fine my brother's leaves a bit to be desired. My Darlings meticulously groomed and habitually neat and clean family must control their gag reflex in politeness.

But wait there is more. Younger brother #1, recently separated from wife #2 and currently attempting to gain full time (vs his current reserve) status in the military during wartime will be bringing his daughter (Niece #1) from marriage #1 whom I haven't seen since she was my sons age. His grooming is fine but he enjoys dressing up as a Klingon, (Sub Commander of his Klingon unit) and performing Klingon martial arts forms in public. Oh, and he races 1/4 size Nascar, at 6'2".

I know practically nothing about niece #1 except that she doesn't hate me which is more than I can say about Niece #2. Niece #2 hates me for a variety of reasons including, I left her (just like her mother) when I ran off with my first husband. I am not a fan of her father and made the mistake of voicing it in front of her (in my defense she was hardly a little girl or unaware of the qualities I was disparaging but I shouldn't have said it regardless). And my position as my mothers daughter. She gets upset if my parents give me priority over her for any reason. Most of the time she is the center of their world and she doesn't like it when I disrupt that.

My Nephew is a quiet child around me, I am sure he has a voice but he gets lost in his sisters shadow. I am hoping he finds his place as he heads off to college this year and escapes his sisters influence on his social life. His life has not been easy and he deserves some goodness.

Add to this mess my youngest brother. He is overweight, poorly groomed, unable to support himself at 41 years old. His parents have raised his children, supported he isn't very bright, he has no discernible talents. He lies as a matter of course bordering on delusional. He has hurt my parents and each one of us all the while claiming that he has been abandoned by the only people who have taken care of him his whole life. My parents forfeit their retirement to raise his children even after he should have been able to step up to the plate. But, he is my family and I will not exclude him regardless of all of that. It hurts my parents to leave him out. When I think of people who have made poor choices in their lives landing them on the wrong end of the law I understand their Mother, who sits in the courtroom crying for someone the rest of the world vilifies. She sees the boy who was, whom she lost to the man she can't understand but still can't stop loving. My parents love my brother and I will honor that as long as they live.

One big dysfunctional family, not unlike many other familiars across around the world. My Darlings family has their own quirks but so much less obvious...and smelly.

Upon reflection, I have decided to defer to My Darling as to the vittles. While I am fond of the picnic for labor day, it is a lot of work, and in absolute fairness, I had my way for his first birthday. So, we will be catered except for the cake. His family will be happy and my family will eat just about anything so no worries there.

A little over a month away. Then the hard fast swing into winter and I must be on an even keel by then to make it through the depths of winter. I will shore myself up with a tanning membership and continuing effort at maintaining exercise. I'm going to be happy this year. I am going to push out all the despair and replace it will lightheartedness and joy. There is nothing but good in my life, I will make it so.

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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