I know, I know I promised to come and tell you all about my session. I started several posts and then just walked away because I got frustrated. I am frustrated a lot lately. No one seems to want to help me. I keep looking for help and the only thing anyone can offer me is to accept myself, blech.

This last guy was a prize for the last (yeah, no way I'm going back to this guy) session. I thought I would let him know up front that I figured out that he was "done" with me and so I apologized for taking up his time. He said "that's ok". That's right, not, "that is what I am here for." or "Helping you is not a waste of my time." or any number of other much more supportive things one might say to the depressed bipolar woman who is having difficulty functioning in the world. No, just that it was ok that I wasted his time (BTW D*ckhead I am paying for this, its not a charity after all).

My favorite part of the session was when he dismissed my disease as a non-issue to my problems. I explained that I understand that some of my current troubles are my disease he responded "what disease?" It took me by surprise, really, seriously, um bipolar. I told him I was hoping the medication situation could be resolved so that I could stop falling apart. I explained that I understand that I shouldn't let the world get to me but I don't have the kind of emotional control that normal people have. "Well" he said "If you think that medication will help then you will have to talk to the Psychiatrist." "why do you think your medication stopped working?" OK, maybe he just hasn't read his notes lately. "I'm in perimenopause". "And?" "It can affect hoe BP meds are absorbed and their effects." "well, if you think that is what it is you will have to take that up with the Dr. next week. Have a nice day."

Excuse me while I pick up my jaw.

No help, ever. I beg I plead, give me some exercises, or techniques something anything. Waste of my time actually since I don't get paid to be there.

Enough of the crappy crap of the crappers.

Today we took Baby Boy swimming at the town pool. He is torn between want to jump off the diving board and being terrified of Mommy and Daddy letting go. We managed to get him to float for several intervals including one where he floated watching the divers. That distraction allowed him to relax enough to actually comfortably (well without visible distress) float for quite a while. Since we will be canoeing again as well as putting up our own smallish pool it is important he is comfortable enough not to panic if he lands in the water. I would love it if he learns to swim by the end of the summer. Too many lakes in this state not to know how to swim, young.

We also purchased a swing set for Baby Boy. No, not a 2 K wonder (how anyone can justify 2K for a swing set I don't know), we are too poor for that. The 400 we spent felt overwhelming enough for me. If we lived in the city we could just frequent a park but out in the middle of nowhere its nice to give him something to play on.

It's small compared to the rest of the familial master pieces but there is just Baby Boy where everyone else has at least two, some planning more. I think it will suit him just fine. Of course my kid is happy with a stick. In fact he is happiest with stick in hand.

What I talk about is what I can talk about, there is more that I can't talk about and that is sucky too, who stole my words, I want them back please! Maybe someday.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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