Day two with no daycare.

While Baby Boy can be whiney he is also fairly good at self entertainment so I have time to write a bit. Currently he is up in his kitchen with his dolls (Baby and Dolly) making dinner. It seems that his Baby needs a step stool but no real reason was forthcoming. I love that he wants to play with blocks, trucks and dolls. The dolls tend to be his partners in crime and/or audience more than nurtured dependents but still he is unrestricted by gender stereotyping in this house. I am not looking forward to his pubescent years, I think I will rely on his father to deal with much of that. His Dad walks a reasonable line between male and human. Men are different creatures altogether. I don't always understand them. That is not to say that I understand women either. I don't understand most humans. I don't get why people are so very mean to each other.

Then again, I do feel a rush of emotion (anger? jealousy? disbelief?) when I read some mini posts on FB wondering as I do how truly rosy some peoples lives are. I struggle and struggle and they glide along with perfect little lives. Of course I know that isn't true. I know that everyone has challenges and they struggle like I do but from the outside looking in it seems easier. I can't bring myself to post rosy little messages for the world. I also can't bring myself to be mean to anyone even when they are mean to me or others. I get ridiculously angry at people driving on the road with me but then I let it go because while I think they are being stupid or aggressive I don't know them so I let it go.

I also experience overwhelming emotions at my work. I want to stop feeling or stop working but neither option is good for me. I am hoping the therapy will help me to alter my emotions enough so I can continue to work in this incredibly frustrating field until the economy picks up enough for me to find another professional position. I have the option of taking a leave but then I would have nothing to do and I am certain that would not be good for me either. I am still going over in my head what I could do as a hobby. I used to draw, in fact I used to draw pretty well. I did some painting and colored pencil as well (I have tons and tons of colored pencils and I never use them anymore). They are like the paints, paper, rice paper, Japanese Sumi tools and more and more art stuff gathering dust in my closets and on my bookshelves. Not to mention shelves of books I never read. And don't get me started on writing. Well, you couldn't get me started on writing, nothing seems to get me started. My lame attempt at NaNo this year resulted in four thousand some odd words of a story that sounds good in my head but won't go down on paper.

SO I do nothing.

Well, yesterday I did a yoga series streaming on my TV (got to love technology) and work was ok. I may have been taken off Sundays (I'm not sure yet but if so I won't complain). I like the money but it's too stressful. Of course I play with Baby Boy everyday and that is spectacular, but not really a hobby.

So I need a hobby. Something I can do during my days and not interfere with my family time at night. Something interesting, creative and stimulating. I don't have a lot of money to spend and if I continue to reduce time at work I'll have even less.

Any suggestions?

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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