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2008-12-06 - 2:23 a.m.

It has occurred to me that I never shared the results of my NaNoWriMo this year. I am sorry to say I gave up shortly into the month, lacking both idea and motivation. I am of course disappointed and forced to add this to a string of non-action as I continue to fail to exercise frequently enough, write with any regularity and, in short, do anything I should. Well not completely, I am taking care of the house, Baby Boy and doing my job and that is certainly something.

Days go by, winter sets in and I slowly drift down. The descent is slow enough that I don�t really feel it until I think about it and known that I am lower than I was before. I have my Darling and he keeps my head above water, and I have Baby Boy to provide a sparkle of light in an otherwise darkened world. Gray is the color of winter. The blanket of white that greets you as the sun comes up is soon grayed by a world forced to muck about in it. Business is off due to storms, this means money is less despite good tips from the few folks who brave the winter to dine with us. This doesn�t improve my mood any. I have been lucky enough to have received a couple of nice monetary gifts from my parents that has cushioned me from the reality of the current economy a bit. My Darling has shouldered the bulk of our living expenses and I am in awe of his ability to provide so much for Baby Boy and me. I wish I could do more for him. I feel guilty for not doing more to get better, for him and Baby Boy if not for me. But then I sit, unable to muster strength to get beyond the barest minimum.

Did I mention we got a wii? I have enjoyed the time I have spent doing the fit exercises, aerobics, yoga, strength, and the many balance exercises designed to improve overall control and core strength. The only limiting factor is my inability to use the system when Baby Boy is around as he, in typical baby fashion, wants to be in the middle of whatever I am doing and interferes with my ability to complete the exercises. Still I have managed to do it at least once a week since we got the program and I feel better for it. Anything is better than nothing, right?

I am not sleeping right now; I should be but the events of my life currently have ratcheted up the stress a bit and upon awaking in the middle of the night I found I could not return to sleep so here I type, turning a negative into a positive. If I can not sleep then I will write, another exercise that I am encourage to engage in to my benefit. I do what I can and hopefully �what I can� will grow until I have reached a therapeutic level and I see the results as a mood enhancement. Until then I plug away, with my Darlings love and my Baby Boys adoration to hold me up until I can stand on my own.

While I am uncertain if I will sleep again tonight I am pleased I stopped by here. This is good for me and I should do it more often.

Take care

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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- - 2013-08-16

Darkness - 2013-04-18

Too much - 2013-04-09

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