I haven�t been feeling well lately. Not the sick kind of unwell (although I haven�t ruled it out) but the off center disconnected kind of unwell. I need to see a shrink but the expense has me put off. I hate that insurance companies can continued to pretend that mental illness is somehow different from other types of illnesses and thus they are allowed to charge differently for it. No regular co pay, no, 50% of the bill, thank you. And that�s almost $100 a pop (my portion). If the appointment goes over a certain time why the numbers go up, fast. How can I pursue better treatment options with a time clock ticking in the background?

Not only that, but the doctor I want to see doesn�t work on my days off (neither does my hairdresser, crazy coincidence huh?). So I am stuck paying a lot to see someone I don�t want.

Still I have made an appointment and I might even go.

Sometimes I wish I had a �real� illness. One I could tell people about, that I wasn�t ashamed of, an illness that the insurance companies would treat as an illness.

Instead I hide it from all who know me. It�s the nature of me, hiding, and why I have such difficulty opening up to those I should.

I am not well, but I can�t talk about it, except to my Darling and here. And here doesn�t feel real. So I worry my Darling with my off centeredness.

I am not well.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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