My vacation went a long way towards recharging our batteries but we are still frayed a little around the edges. Summer is the time when I am normally at my best, enjoying the sun as I do. I miss CA and the temperate climate I enjoyed there. The winters take a lot out of me and it seems as though I take longer to refresh in the summer each year. Of course this year has brought many challenges, having a baby buying a home and settling into my new life as a server.

Every day I head into that world determined to keep a positive demeanor and as long as the tips are good I manage just fine, but when the tips are meager I struggle not to complain or become moody. I know the managers grow tired of my complaints and at some point my worth will be outweighed by my trouble. I hesitate to tell the new managers what to do since no matter how many years experience I hold over them they have taken the responsibility I shun and so they deserve the respect that assumption of responsibility demands. Still they need help sometimes. On the nights I work the managers seems visibly relieved when I walk through the door, in part I suspect because I remain so calm in the face of crazy business and challenges to our serving staff. They look to me to set the tone amongst the younger, less experienced staff. On the nights I work the managers often stay on the grill or in the kitchen allowing me to run the floor. I am quite bossy at times and my elder status (having trained many of the staff) lends credibility to my �requests�. I don�t like it anymore though. I want to do something else. There is no �something else� to do though.

I have received one of the writing books but haven�t had a chance to read it. Day after day I find myself either communicating with my Darling, housekeeping or occupied with Baby Boy and before I know it the free time is all gone. Even posting has become a real challenge. I never read much anymore and some days I never make it outside to enjoy the sun I so crave all winter long. The garden is neglected, almost before it has begun.

I know it can be done. People write for a living all the time. Rowling took a children�s story all the way to bank several times. But for every success there are thousands of writers toiling in obscurity, trying to get the novel or short stories read let alone published. I thought I had a new idea only to read a well known authors book on a very similar theme. They are quite different, but enough the same for a publisher to determine that the topic has been done before, and by a master at that. Should I feel good that I had a similar idea independently? Does it matter? If I can�t sell the book, does it still exist (tree in the forest don�tcha know?). What about the other tales swimming in my pond. How do I hook them out, when do I find the time in my schedule? My Darling can�t figure out where all the free time goes. After all, he works almost 60 hours a week so my paltry 25 hours seems to leave a plethora of time for all sorts of projects that still languish in the planning stages. We have lived here since October and the pieces of fabric I threw up to cover the open windows are still there. We should have purchased the blinds ages ago but when we are out we are never prepared to spend the money to cover them all. What I should do is buy one set of blinds a week, spreading out the cost in more manageable bites but my wages don�t leave any room for extras. I come up short all the time and I have so little financial responsibilities it is frustrating. Waitresses work hard for the money.

Aside:

One of my co-workers has coined a phrase I just love. The �verbal tip�. That is when a table raves about the excellent service they received and then leaves a ten percent tip. I suspect most of those people simply have poor math skills or somehow simply don�t consider their tip in relationship to the amount spent on the meal. Three dollars is a good tip for a lunch right? Unfortunately, if your bill was $32 that would demand a tip of ~ $4.50 (15%), or for excellent service ~ $6 (20%). Please do the math folks, I can�t eat the �verbal tip�.

Time seems to be eaten up by Baby Boy and daily chores (and time on the computer, god knows that sucks up the time doesn�t it). So while my mood is better I am still trapped in the cycle that took me down the garden path to the misery I experienced before my vacation. I don�t want to return to that place.

Of course whining will get me nowhere so in the spirit of positive moves I hope to meet certain goals daily.

I will try and give my family my full and complete attention when we are together so I don�t always feel like I am shortchanging My Darling and Baby Boy.

I will find time to write every day even if I have to give up some housework or sleep.

I will limit time on the computer (other than writing) to one hour a day.

I will sit (or walk) in the sunshine (when it is available, it rains a lot here) every day combining that act with one of the above if need be.

I will seek to see the bright side of every work day and concentrate on the act of doing my job to the best of my ability rather than the compensation I receive.

I will love my Family with all my heart (that is an easy one).

I will post pictures from my vacation as soon as they are downloaded from the camera.

(Tomorrow, my day off, I will download the pictures from the camera)

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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