So it happened. It�s not like we weren�t warned still it�s awfully inconvenient. MY SIL has decided that watching three children is too �stressful�. Never mind the fact that she petitioned to watch him and even complained when we didn�t take full advantage of her services. After I switch around my schedule based on her availability to sit now she tells us it�s all too much for her. She has a teaching degree and is planning a large family but three children (hers, Baby Boy and another family�s infant) are too much. My Darling is understandably upset. I was certain that she would keep the other family�s child and bail on us because we had the discounted rate. We knew it was coming but still I hoped that she would get used to it, that she would learn to deal with a couple of cranky babies. *Sigh* Oh well, we will be fine , we will find a new place and we will pay whatever we have to and we will be fine. I hope that the situation doesn�t ruin My Darlings relationship with his sister. I was concerned about using her for more than just crossover for this reason. The best intentions can ruin a relationship. We were strapped and took a chance. You pays your dime you takes your chances.

Work is adding it�s own stresses. I�m not making the kind of money I should be and I can�t figure out why. I know the cost of gas (4.09 at last glance) is hurting us bad but the boys seem to do well enough. Why is it even in this field men do better than women with less work? I do twice as much for my customers as they do and they still get better tips. It�s ridiculous. I even asked one of the Asst. Managers if she thought I was lacking at all and she said she had noticed the same effect. In my next life I want to be a dude and get paid 30% more than women for no particular reason. That aside, I am not making enough money to pay my bills, period. I put every penny in the bank and buy nothing but bare essentials and I still don�t have enough money. My Poor Darling is shouldering all of the household bills and I have nothing but the groceries, gas (Damn Bush and his cronies), medical bills and the debt from before. It�s killing me and I just can�t find a way out. There is no other job I can get to earn more money and adding more days just means more daycare which I now have to pay going rates for so it eats up any benefit of working more hours. Beside which they are fully staffed on days so I would have to pick up nights and that just won�t work. Rock, meet hard place. Crap!

As I try and work through this problem I continue to work at being more open with my thoughts and feelings. I have tried to share everything but I find that I forget to say things and then when I do I am certain I talked about it before only to find out that I never mentioned it. How I could do that is beyond me. It frustrates me as much as my Darling and I am at a loss as to how to fix that. I just keep trying to say what I feel regardless of the potential response and hope that I remember it all.

I have to buy plants and a couple more seeds today and I must pull money out of my butt to do it (OK not out of my butt but I am worried about paying for them and getting the bills paid.)(Did I just say butt but?) I will hopefully hear back from the daycare places I emailed today so I can set up interviews and line something up before the deadline SIL gave us (2 weeks from tomorrow). I have work to do.

Well I need to get ready to run around today so I have to go.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

�