I am back to work today after a four day (minus Sunday because I worked the restaurant) weekend. I spent yesterday packing. While I remembered to eat I didn�t drink nearly enough water and thus ended up with a terrific headache and neck ache that kept me from sleeping well. Today is a catch up day and the workload is staggering. I have messages on other people�s machines because mine was full. As I try and catch up the phone keeps ringing. I am exhausted and it�s only lunch.

I am already tired of the helplessness that will only grow as my belly does. I am just shy of 5 months and it seems as though the exhaustion that accompanied my first trimmest has returned in spades. My Darling is frustrated by my inattention to myself (not drinking water, etc.) because he is forced to sit by and watch concerned for me and the baby, I am sure a sense of helplessness he could live without. I want to take a nap, right here, right now but that is out of the question. There is too much to do.

I had a visitor here a diaryland. I haven�t had a chance to read much of her musings but I read her last entry. What a powerful moment. I remember the agony that accompanied the realization that I could no longer live the way I was living, walking between life and death unaware as much as I could possibly maintain, functioning but not alive. That state allowed me to ignore the changes that I had to make in my life. The first step to the life I now enjoy. Even in need of a nap, I do enjoy my life. Even when emotions overwhelm or depression licks at my heels still I feel my life and I would rather have all this than ever return to that half life.

To my new visitor, please feel free to pull up a chair and visit a while. I hope you don�t mind if I stop by your place and say hello.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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