(Posted late due to technical difficulties here at Diaryland)

Just when you think life might be turning in your favor a little golem appears and rips the rug out from under your feet.

For your entertainment, a farce�

So after we plunked down 1000 bucks "good faith" money and signed all the papers we sent the paperwork over to our mortgage guy who then contacted the realtor to get information on the home only to find out "gasp" it's a manufactured home.

(Yes, I know, I could have sworn I told him as well but wait till you here what happened next.)

This information changes everything. The rate we were quoted the amount of payment the closing cost and date, everything. We were to give notice on Friday and all of a sudden, Bamm!! There is no way we can close on time. I'm not sure I want a manufactured (not modular but mobile) home. What if it doesn't gain value? Theoretically I could owe more than it's worth not to mention it will be difficult to sell.

My stomach is tied in knots. Everyone around me is focused on weddings and babies and all I can think is that we have painted ourselves into a corner. We can't give notice, I don't know if I even want the place anymore and I am just sick with it all.

Somebody shoot that golem will you?

I let myself get sucked into the idea that I was going to have some good stuff for a change. Then something like this happens and I wonder, what else is going to be ripped away at the last minute. I scared enough about the baby just based on my age. I know I'm past the first trimester but that doesn't mean I am safe from mishap. My soon to be sister-in-law shared her brother and his much older wife's travails in pregnancy which included "losing the baby" and tow invitros that didn't take. Every little "wrong" feeling I have (yes I know having never been pregnant before how would I know what is "wrong"?) I think this is it; I'm going to lose it. (I know that it's not true but damn, it is hard to get out of your head).

I'm stressed, which affects my digestive system (thanks Dad) and leads me to not eating (not an option) so I force myself to eat which gives me more of an upset stomach.

And one of my co-workers has taken charge of my "wedding". She has decided that a trip to the courthouse simply won't do and is planning a do at her house complete with reception. She has been harassing me with her ideas all day. It is currently the only thing that is making me smile. I think she knows how bad I feel right now and that makes her more than just a co-worker in my eyes.

I'm off to find food (yuck) and force myself to eat it. Tomorrow when the inspectors give there assessment we can make an informed decision. For now I must let it go.

This is me letting go.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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