I�m still awaiting the response from the bank as to the bid we made on the house. From what our realtor told us banks are notorious for ignoring deadlines so we shouldn�t take their lack of response as a no but here we sit a day after the deadline still waiting to hear the decision. We haven�t looked for houses since we put in the bid; if we get the house we are done.

Called the folks last night and told them the good news. Everyone is happy for us. My parents are happy I �let go of my bitterness about marriage� and think a justice of the peace wedding is just fine but his folks (Mom really, I don�t think his Dad cares one way or the other) are starting to make noises about a �church� wedding. He doesn�t want a church wedding, nor do I. I know it will be hard for him to stay strong in the face of his mother�s wishes but I also know he will be unhappy with his self if he gives in. There are other considerations to come as well.

Idiotboy called again, he sounded quite sad. He said he was trying to mend bridges and if I wanted nothing to do with him to let him know and he would stop bothering me. I believe that he really believes what he is saying. He always believes what he is saying regardless of the truth. It is tempting to let him back into my life but I know that he is what he is and that will not change. He has demonstrated no positive changes in his lifestyle or behavior and wishing will not make it so. I am sticking my ground on this one regardless of what the compassionate creature in me would like to do. Fool me once, fool me twice even, but when it gets into the double digits it�s just too ridiculous to consider another go round.

I am feeling better over all and my energy levels are improving. I know I will feel better too when all the stuff is out into the open. Just another couple of weeks and I�ll be living openly with my current status.

I�m nervous about everything but surprisingly calm. In the grand scheme my personal anxieties pale when compared to the very real anxiety about my current condition. My only option is to take care of myself and hope that all will be well.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

�