I must admit a fondness for the spectacular Chris Baty myself. Although I completely bummed on NaNoWriMo this year I am impressed to see that he is stretching beyond his already tremendous adventures in writing challenges to encompass the art of living. I have played the pushme/pullyou game of life somewhat poorly up to now allowing fear and loathing to bend me in directions I am ashamed to admit. The winding road through muck and mud as well as green pastures and mountainous reaches has deposited me here on the brink of the scariest adventure I could ever imagine. I am working towards (well to be truthful I am not actively working as much as passively waiting for) the most radical life transformation I have ever known.

It started as a hope and has grown into a whisper. I can�t even really feel the happening but I know intellectually the change is happening and I am along for the ride (of my life). I am happy and terrified in waves. It�s not that I don�t think I can do this, instead I fear loss, as I always have in my life. For someone who has lost so much, security, marriage, mental health (although I got some of that back), I have significant issues wrapped around loss. So listen to the whisper and I try to embrace while still maintaining a safe distance (not that there is a safe distance � it�s an illusion, I know).

I�m waiting and wondering, what will be the reaction? What will they say when they know? I think I am as afraid of the reaction as the event. Of course fear is never a productive emotion (unless you are running from something with big sharp teeth).

So I have jumped with both feet into my big scary adventure. Good thoughts everyone, please?

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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