Had a long talk with a good friend last night. We decided I was feeling several effects at once and that was complicating my life beyond my ability to control which is a state that control freaks such as ourselves could not tolerate well. I opted to break things down into stuff I can control and stuff I can�t control.

Stuff I can control

What I eat. My diet should contribute to my health goals. I must decrease my over all calorie consumption while maintaining a broad mix of vegetables and fruit (to make up for my inability to run).

My exercise. No Brian, I do not have access or time to hike off to the gym like you, I am forced to get what I can out of waiting tables and making time to do my Kata and Karate workouts. I will, however, make time for Karate.

Leisure activities. I will find some type of activity that will satisfy my desire to �play�. I am sure that lack of play is contributing to my malaise.

Intellectual stimulation. I must also find time to read and/or write.

My Mood. (appears in both lists) Based on another friend�s suggestion I will investigate the possibility of getting one of those lights designed to correct SAD. I am somewhat of a lizard and I suspect I would benefit from sunning on a rock (or couch) a couple of times a week.

Things I can NOT control.

The weather. Bundle up warm and relax, no matter what summer will come again.

The mood at work. The women I work will are experiencing an emotional upheaval due to the resignation of the controller and the subsequent changes that entails. They have become touchy about what I do but since I haven�t received the direction I requested as to the parameters of my job I will simply proceed as I have been and ignore all the crap. Smile and nod, works for waitressing, works for the office.

My quest for a family. I must recognize that obsessing doesn�t create the best environment for my desire so I will use denial to my benefit.

My Mood. The worst of my out of control conditions. I know my mood affects all of the situations I can�t control making them all appear larger and more imposing. I must realize that feeling bad about feeling bad exacerbates the problem so I will try and feel what I feel without beating myself up for it.

There you have it, my lists (have you noticed how much we anal retentive, control freaks LOVE lists?) I feel better already (until I feel bad again, ride the ride).

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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