First of all I�m still working on the family visit series I just got thoroughly distracted.

I purchased the shower gift, a reasonable expenditure that will be partially shouldered by My Darling as she is officially part of his family (on paper at least).

I have been rolling around the nature of my relationship in my head. I will stay at my folks this trip home, either outside in a tent in the yard or inside in one of the kids rooms, either which has me sharing a bed with my Darling without benefit of marriage which while of no consequence to my non-religious self is a fairly large leap for my RC mother and Protestant lay minister father. Previously I stayed at a motel to ease their souls but it�s simply too expensive and unrealistic to do that on a regular basis. Thus I am preparing to commit a sin (in their minds) under their roof. I offered to do the tent thing allowing them a little �grace� but I believe my dad is a bit insulted that he tried to give way and I didn�t take it.

Last weekend we stayed at My Darlings parents house for a night (to watch the dogs while they are out of town) and slept in his parents bed (weird, huh, but they requested it for the comfort of the dogs). They have always been really flexible having treated all the SO of their children as consenting adults from the age of consent. My folks, on the other hand, tried to dictate my actions in their home when I moved back briefly in my mid twenties to return to school and save for a house. I granted them the �no men in my room� rule but drew the line at the �call if you aren�t coming home� rule. I often didn�t decide if I was coming home or not until too late to call without disturbing. All in all it was an uncomfortable 6 months and I was happy to move into my own home.

I never cohabitated until I met my husband and although we lived together prior to marriage my folks hang on to the fact that I did actually marry him (in part, I think, to please them).

Where is all this going? Why back to where I started of curse.

What am I doing here?

What am I waiting for?

What do I want from him, from me, from life?

Yes folks it my semi-annual WTF(?) introspection.

I�ll get back to you.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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